Who Am I Really???...

Who am I really? It's the question evading my mind at the moment. I don't pose this question to myself from the perspective of one searching for their identity! I know who I am, in the sense of I have come to a place of confidence in who God has created me to be...in other words I am quite comfortable in my own skin. I have lived the majority of my life dictated by every whim of my insecurities. I lost myself to find the person everyone might want me to be. It was an ugly journey called being a teenager or even better put a journey called LIFE (it started before teenage years). On this journey one finds oneself. I was so handicapped by needing everyone to accept me and like me that I didn't even know who "me" was....ATTENTION ALL PEOPLE: I Found ME!!! Lol! Once I peeled back the many layers of insecurity and self-doubt, the portions of unsurety, mixed with fear, and sprinkled with co-dependency, all blended together so nicely in the Destroy-Me-Piece-By-Piece-O-Matic!!! Ha! But God found me, or rather I looked up to see Him, and He helped brush off the dirt from that awful ditch I was living in and cleansed me and made me shine! Just Like New! Yay! Hahah! I am chuckling both on the outside and inside at myself! 

I am posing this question to myself from the perspective of God knows me better than me. God knows every hair on my head, He is the One who fills me with every breath I take, He is the One who created me and holds my very life in His hands. So, when King David says (Psalms 139:23)"Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:" who better to ask than God Himself. I am looking for God to take me on a journey along the pathway of my heart. I want Him to show me the pieces of me I have not even myself uncovered as He continues to prepare me to fulfill His will for my life according to His purposes. I have been given a mandate, a vision and mission to fulfill while here on this earth. As I have walked with Him, He has revealed more of His plan, more of Himself, and more of the me He created. If He sees me at the end, finished and complete, then He is the One to reveal how I get there. I don't just want to see more of myself, I want to see more of Him perfected in me or me perfected through Him. He is the filter and Mediator through which I need to see and be seen. I can no longer at things as though they are, but as though I know them not to be. I need to see them through His eyes not through my own. My eyes do not have a clear view or even the capacity to adjust to His view...there are no special glasses to put on...all I need do is but put on HIM and my vision becomes transformed into His will...See?!?!

So, who am I really? What are my motives, intentions, thoughts and plans? What is the true nature of my heart and of my character? There is so much more to me than anything YOU could gather at first glance. So many people look at me and see quiet or very often, stuck up. I am far from stuck-anything...I am passionate about everything I do, I love all those around me, I choose to see the good in people when others see the bad, I have flaws and imperfections like every other human, but I live to change myself so as to align with God, I can be funny and bold, or melancholy and to myself, I could be deep in thought or on a mission and you think I am ignoring you or rolling my eyes at you...(you can be anyone, this is generally speaking). In the past I would be overtaken by what I thought you were thinking of me. Not now! I am ok with the realization that not everyone will like me or accept me. I am finding so much joy in who God has made me to be. Not from a prideful place, but really learning to love myself. If you cannot learn to love the you, that you are and that you are, can, or will be come, then you can't love anyone or anything else. 

I am pondering......there are areas well traveled within my mind lately, well always but let's focus on the now...lol! God is opening me up to numerous avenues of who He is and who I am. I am not without Him, because He is I am, because He is the I AM. If my life does not filter through and line up with Him, I have not life...."nevertheless I live, yet not I but Christ who liveth in me...."

Psalm 139 King James Version 1O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. 2Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. 3Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. 4For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. 5Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. 6Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. 7Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? 8If I ascend up into heaven, thou  there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. 9If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; 10Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. 11If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. 12Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. 13For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. 14I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 15My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. 17How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! 18If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. 19Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. 20For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. 21Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? 22I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. 23Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 24And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Hide or SEEK?...

So many things come to mind this morning with all that is going on in Japan and other affected areas of the World. It's not just that daily details become insignificant in comparison to tragedy. This is true, but more so are we ready as Christians to help the world still see Jesus through Crisis? I mean how can we help others if we ourselves are shaken by the small things, like rising gas prices and food costs. How do we help bring strength and light to those who are being devastated by destructive walls of water and 8.9 earthquakes. The world isn't getting any less crazy...are WE ready?

Being prepared, thinking outside our normal, everyday routines and schedules, looking at the larger picture, seeing God in all of this, knowing our purpose in all of this...these are just a handful of the changes we need to make in ourselves as Christians. Let's dig even deeper still...yes, we want to hear from God, be led by the Holy Spirit, and follow in His perfect will for our lives. We want to fulfill our purpose and destiny on this earth, great! We even want to think more eternal and kingdom minded. There is more yet still! Just when we think that we are reaching for the seemingly unreachable, we are given a glimpse, a moment, a flash of something larger and greater still. Something we probably will never fully grasp while here on earth.

The revealing of our purpose in this place! It's more than being a Worship Leader, Pastor, Evangelist, Artist, Dancer, Business Owner, helping people, etc. The revealing of our purpose in a world that we know is going to crumble and fall. A world that is run by corrupt, deceitful, ugly, evil, satanic influence. A world being stripped of the knowledge and power of God. Illegal authority overbearing everything around us, because as Christians, as believer's in the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we walk around defeated, untapped from the Source, unrealized potential waiting to be manifested by our words and actions and faith. You and I are supposed to spend as much time as possible building and growing our relationship with God, our source, our strength, our everything. Our focus should be Him, but instead it is on Life. He is the Life! I can't help but think, how will they receive Christ now? How can people put faith in a God who supposedly "allows" for this catastrophe. (That is what the world sees, that is what they will say.) How do we effectively preach Jesus, prepare the way for His soon coming return, bring others into His presence, into His Kingdom? How? If we are so concerned with how we will pay bills, or even get to and from the places we go, feed our families, survive in a world that is crumbling, how will we help ANYBODY ELSE?

It is time we WAKE UP from the reality we are consumed by and start living in Jesus. We have to be ready, not just for survival, but for salvation. THE PEOPLE NEED GOD!!! THEY NEED HIM? It is our job as Christians to fill in the gap, cross them over the bridge to LIFE, FREEDOM, TRUTH, SALVATION, RESTORATION...

Where are the prayer warriors? Where are the intercessors? Where are the worshipers? Where are the disciples? Where are the Kingdom seekers? Where are the salty lights? Where are the Christians? Where are God's people? Let us Rise, Stand Up, and Take Back what belongs to the Kingdom of God! Let US be the ones bringing an IMPACT that is greater than any Tsunami or Earthquake. Let's bring the Quake of God, the Stirring and Shaking of the Holy Spirit, the manifestation of God's presence and power, let's bring JESUS....THROUGH US, God will move.

ARE YOU READY??????

Grabbing Hold of God...

I cannot convey the bountiful basket of fumbled feelings and erupted emotions that are radiating from me at the moment. All week as I have tried with everything in me to grasp Joy, grasp God, grabbing hold of the more instead of hanging on to the less, I am here in this place.

Do you think this place to be negative??? OH, NO!!! I am so filled with the very presence of God that even in the moments where my flesh is trying to escape, I have imprisoned it...I have allowed my spirit to be #1...I have to, you see...I cannot miss out on what God is doing and well my flesh just keeps getting in the way. What God has is greater than the biggest of my wildest imaginations or yours or any ones. What God is doing is Bigger than anything this Earth can even contain! Are we ready for it? I mean are we really ready?

I went to a concert with Ascend the Hill and Ember Days. I don't get to concerts much or have opportunity to see other Worshipers LIVE in action. It was a random opportunity I thoroughly enjoyed, not because of the bands, but because it was another opportunity for me to meet up with God. And OH did I meet Him. It was refreshing to just come into His presence in Worship. I closed my eyes the entire time and just allowed Him to consume me. It wasn't about the people, the place, any of it. It was just Me and Him! "Take me into Your presence, into Your glory, I am surrendered to You, there You can change me, and rearrange me, I need You!" That was my moment with Him. I say moment because it wasn't nearly long enough...I could stay there in that place with Him. But, life calls, kids call, school, work, ministry, it all calls...I must answer the call and enjoy every moment I get! Doesn't that scream IN LOVE! I mean it seems to be exactly the picture of Love between two...even though you must still fulfill the duties of life, you anticipate every secret, special, stolen away moment with your LOVE! I mean gee even on a deserted island you still have to focus time on finding food, lighting fires at night, building and maintaining your "home", you know its life wherever you are!

In this moment I found heaven, Jesus, His presence surrounding me...He spoke so clearly to me. It was as if every light, everywhere came on all at once...I GOT IT!!! Worship! I get it! The change we seek in our worship that really connects us with Him...it's when we come to Him desiring to serve Him and not seeking to be served. Let me expound: I saw the woman laying at the feet of Jesus, washing His feet with her hair and tears. She came to Him and served Him. Her desire for Him, to be in His presence, to serve Him, to give Him all her love, all she had, to wipe His feet with her hair and wash them with her tears...I mean you can't get more serving than that! Oh how beautiful a picture we were given of Worship. That is worship!!! It's not that we are wrong for desiring to be filled by Him or touched by Him or loved by Him...those things are given.....he gives us that always! It is who He is...BUT it is when we come to Him that way more! When we come to into Worship with Him to serve Him and offer ourselves up wholly to Him, not thinking about the return, just because we cannot contain ourselves but to reach out and grab hold of Him to give Him OUR Love. That's when we become as One with each other. That's when our relationship clicks and connects together. Our love can never compare to His, but are we willing, desiring to present to Him, to lay at His feet, all we have whatever that looks like, knowing that He will take it and make it more beautiful, more multiplied, more marvelous. In His hands everything is Golden!

Step into His marvelous light and let Him shine through you....making you not only white as snow but Gold and Glorious as He is the fullness of Glory!


1Peter 2:9 "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:" 



Numbers 6:24-26 "The LORD bless thee, and keep thee: 25The LORD make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: 26The LORD lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace."