Jaeana and Gianna...a destined duo AND Yesterday's a thing of the Past!

Jaeana and Gianna...a duo destined to be friends. Matching names, both super cuties, same class...friends? I think yes! Lol! When we first went to the "Meet the Teacher" night and found out that Jaeana had a classmate with the same name that hers is often confused with, I must admit, I had a feeling that they would become friends. It took a week and a half for her to "make friends" and tell me their names. I challenged her to introduce herself and ask for names and then tell me. She came home one day last week gleaming with excitement. She had not only made 1 new friend, but 2 new friends, Gianna and Amilee. However, the "new friend" excitement did not propel her to play with them in the morning. The same morning mantra of swing until the bell rings is pretty set in stone. I mean why enjoy the company of others in such a large playground when you can swing! Ha ha!


Can everyone say "BUT TODAY"...Today, as she races her brother to the lines, she runs into Gianna and they stop and hug each other. Oh man was this not the cutest thing! She then looks over at me and says, "Look Mom, it's my friend Gianna!" Ah, another proud mommy moment. It melts my heart as I see her joining the regular school society of kiddos...fitting in more and more each day and passing week. I watched happily as the duo ran off to the swings...of course! (In reality, friend or not, Jaeana is hardcore about the swings) At first there was only one swing and they stood confounded as to what should be done next, but to their furthered excitement the swing next to theirs opens up and Jaeana moves over and they both hop on. Swing, swing, swinging away...Jaeana shouts out to me, "Mom I'm swinging with my friend Gianna!" Dare I say again that I was enjoying more than my fair share of happy mommy moments! :) 


The morning continued in happiness after the bell rang, and folks, I'm happy to say that we had smiles all the way to class!!! Yaaaaahooooooo! No tears, no melt downs, no sad frowns, just kisses and smiles and happy waves....Oh Lord please let us continue in this!!!! :)


So, as for me, I sit here on the couch, tired, wanting to sleep, needing to work today, and feeling pretty happy with a sprinkle of grouchiness (purely from my tiredness) and just ready for what today brings. This is a much better day than how yesterday felt. I was fighting to stay afloat yesterday...it seems as though every time things begin crumbling, everything crumbles at once. The press was felt strong yesterday! It pushes me to question myself. Am I doing something wrong God? What do I need to see? What do I need to change? I know I am not perfect and I know I need to pray more and really seek You more and get into my word more, but I have been faithful and yet things are not changing. The decline is, well, declining! Lol! I begin to focus on all my shortcomings, searching for the areas I can change to see results. That's it right there though! I get to that point of trying to "DO" something to "CHANGE" my circumstances. It's the need to grasp control when things feel out of control. Sometimes there is actually something to do...most times the doing is simply TRUSTING IN GOD, LEANING ON GOD, SEEKING GOD, PRAYING, READING THE WORD, WORSHIP, just being with HIM! I fail to just let Him work it all out. I fail to keep my eyes, my focus on Him. I look directly at my circumstance and panic, then try to not panic, then try to rationalize anything in my mind, then try not to feel like I'm crumbling, then keep moving forward, then..............it's a vicious cycle one can and does easily get sucked into like the pull of a strong vacuum hose. I TRY so hard not to lose it that I drive myself to lose it....maybe I should be looking at my own "melt downs" and not Jaeana's...Lord were You trying to show me something...ha ha! 


I have realized something...when I begin to feel out of control, I think about how I need to press in more, but I don't actually do it. I am not sure if I am still operating in fear, be it frozen, unable to move, or not wanting to be let down by the possibility of things NOT changing. I fight against fear so often that I don't see when I have again claimed it as mine to walk in. BOO! Boo on fear and doubt and shame and flesh! BUT!!!! When I do finally realize and see, and see HIM, Abba, God...everything else finally fades away. Not because the circumstances have changed, but because I am no longer looking at them, they are no longer my focus, they fade away as the image of my Father comes in clearer and I am consumed by the realization and revelation of His unfailing love for me. I'm wrapped into His arms and no more am I screaming to escape reality and get away, trapped by the very circumstances that have me feeling this way in the first place. I'm wrapped safely, gently, lovingly in His arms, the arms of My Master, My Saviour, Jesus...comforted by His touch. Everything else around me seems so insignificant in comparison to the vastness of His presence. Ahhhhhh


Let's move past the place of KNOWING what to do and start just GOING TO HIM!!!!! If I cannot move and operate in trust and do in that trust than who cares what I know!!!!! My knowing will take me nowhere if it is not met with active trust. Trust without action is not true belief or faith, but merely a hope that can easily be blown away into the dust! 


Father, I sing SURRENDER, I speak SURRENDER, I pray SURRENDER but I have failed to FULLY SURRENDER. Continue to show me the areas that I have not yet completely surrendered to You. I give myself to You. I place all my hope, my trust, my dreams, my plans, my thoughts, my fears, everything I am into Your hands. I TRUST YOU GOD!!! I know that You will not fail me, I push aside any doubt that I will be failed. I push aside any thought that would try to come in and hinder my trust in You. I ACTIVATE my faith in YOU. I ACTIVATE my trust in YOU. I publicly proclaim and declare that You and You alone are God and through You ALL things are possible. Through You all chains are broken, all past dismissed, all barriers removed, all enemies trampled on, all darkness flees, all attacks and plans against me destroyed, all anger and fear cast away...It's YOU oh God that my heart so desires....forgive me for not seeing You....I SEE YOU NOW GOD!!! I SEE YOU WITH MY HEART! I do not need to see with my eyes to Trust You. I will WALK, WALK, WALK in the Know!!!!


Thank You God for giving me another chance to see You, to get it right, to come unto You! Thank You for being the God of another chance. I will not take You for granted but operate in You now!! 


I love You Lord, with all of me, I LOVE YOU!!!!!


Have a fabulous day friends, I hope you were blessed by this! :)