Journal Entry: For I say unto this mountain...
I was sitting here thinking back to some turning point moments in my life. I am not quite sure how my thoughts drifted there, but in the lateness of the hour and the mere fact that my mind is constantly darting from thought to thought, its all normal I guess. Anyhoo, I was remembering the emotion attached to each of those moments. I remember feeling at the time that, "this was it! This was surely a mountain I could not face!". I was desperate for a change and could not seem to control anything around me to create such a drastic change. Truth be told, "that" moment felt impossible to get over. Which moment you say? Well each moment at the time felt impossible. Each moment brought me to the end of something and yet here I am still, hardly at the end...
You see what I deemed as a MOUNTAIN at the time, proved to be a pivotal landmark, one that increased the level of elevation in multiple aspects of my life; marriage, ministry, parenting, self. Defining Moments! Self-Realization! An Awakening of sorts! Release, Freedom, Breakthrough, Higher and Newer Levels. Call it what you will, all of these terms are fitting. All of these beautiful words however, carried many tears and pain with them before they achieved themselves as these words....haha, does that even make sense? These words came to fruition only after being paved through with tears and pain. Honestly, at times I wanted to just die! Dying seemed to be the only escape route in view...realistically though, that was never an option, regardless of how many times it crossed my mind.
Needless to say, it was not all that bad, after the fact. In fact, those MOUNTAINS were no more than small lumps in the road looking back. I in no way make light of these mountainous lumps or lumpy mountains, however you choose to visualize them. I can still remember what I felt and if I were to step back into those times, I'm sure I would feel the sting I had once felt...however no time machine exists for these memories, beyond what lay wait inside my head that is. Pheeewwwww! (hand wiping sweat from brow) LoL!
Point of all this though...
Looking back at what felt like a tragic end, ended up being a milestone, a marker in the fabric of my life, a stamp, evidence of growth stages...these areas were my glorious defeat of something bigger, achieved solely by Christ working through me. These very areas with a double sided landmark read: DEATH and VICTORY. You see at each of those places a part of me died and a part of me came to life. The choice was there for the taking only I couldn't see it at the time. I could choose the road to death or the path to life. How could a choice that great possibly exist amidst any type of pain? Where there is a Will, there is a Way! There is God's Will and My Will, God's Path or My Road. I didn't even know I was choosing between these things. All I could see was the dark pit I felt trapped inside of. Could anyone hear my desperate screams for help? Would light ever shine again? Was there still a glimmer of hope left to hold onto? The darkness seemed so thick and dark! I didn't know if anything could reach in and rescue me or if I could ever find my way back out. BUT GOD!!!!! You see God always knows the Way....He IS The Way! He is the Ultimate Navigator even in the scariest of jungles. He IS the Hope I can hold onto! He IS the Light That casts away all darkness! He IS the joy that I now have as I stand triumphantly on the other side of each of these mountains.
I have proof, evidence, of God's mighty hands working in my life, yet when I look up today at the mountain that stands before me, I don't feel that triumphant and victorious glow surrounding me. I feel the darkness slowly creeping in trying to choke the life away from me. I don't want to die, I just want to be rid of this mountain! The scriptures even say that I have the power to tell the mountain to "be thou removed" from me, yet why do I not feel the boldness as a lion to roar against what will end up proving to be a puny little lump?
Here is my life...laid out and set before me like a scroll rolled out across my feet. God says, "LOOK! Look and see what I see! Look and see the Victories you have with me. Do you see them?" Yes Lord, I see them! "Am I not the the same God now that I was when I gave you the victories?" Yes Lord, You are! "Then why do you not believe me now? Why do you doubt my power? Why do you think that I won't show up even more now than before? Are you not walking even more closely with me?" yes Lord, I am. My desire is to know you more and more! Always! "Okay then trust in Me Now! Trust that I have heard your prayers and know your cries. Trust that I have Your best interest at heart every single time, and that if you allow it, My perfect Will, will take place in your life! You are here sitting with me in heavenly places! Fight, fight like I know you can, like I have made you to do. Walk with boldness, talk with boldness, be confident in Me, My child! For I am with thee withersoever thou goest!"
So I speak to the mountain and I tell it...BE THOU REMOVED! You are nothing but a Little Lump and I step right on and over You!
"For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith." (Mark 11:23 KJV)
In Jesus Name, AMEN!
No comments:
Post a Comment