I have been sitting in the same room for over a week now. Not only sitting, but sleeping as well. After my surgery I made a comfortable spot on the loveseat recliner in the office. It's an open room at the entrance of our house, a sort of formal dining/living room setup turned into an office/lounge area. One end has the office desks while the other end has the bookshelf, couch, instrument corner, and tv. It was a nice change of scenery, helped me recover post surgery (easier than getting up and down from the bed), and has aided in my escape from the bed bugs room, my room to be exact. There has definitely been some reprieve from the last attack. We have taken dominion and are seeing victory, however I am not fully convinced I am safe enough to enter back into that land. We are in need of box springs for our King size matress so we can get our mattress off of the floor. We have the frame and mattress, but that doesn't help me get off the floor. My mattress is safe, THANK GOD! The room seems safe, but I know all too well that just because something "seems" safe does not mean you have been granted immunity. Attacks can still happen.
That's what is funny though! I am realizing how "sober" I have become. It's not paranoia because I am not debilitated by the fear of being attacked. It's more that I am "prepared and ready to fight" incase an attack happens. But wait...this picture sort of looks an awful lot like a person in the midst of war. Soldiers must live this way on the battle field. You are camped out waiting for an attack from the enemy, guarding your post, holding down your territory. Sometimes you march towards the enemy, taking or claiming more ground along the way, sometimes you are sitting still and waiting. Either way, you must at all times be ready for an attack. Hmmm...it's also like Firefighters. They eat, sleep, go grocery shopping, etc. like normal people, but they are always seconds away from hopping into their giant truck in the event of an emergency call. They have their under uniforms on ready to throw on their battle garments over top at the sound of the call. Most of us have seen on tv or in person how quickly a firefighter gets ready when the alarm sounds. They could have just sat down to take a bite of a sandwich when.....RING RING RING RING RING...oh dang, gotta go, 9 seconds, boom, bam, dressed and in the truck!
Call it an ocupational hazard...it comes with the job; eating, show watching, lounging and enjoying a quiet moment, only to be abruptly interrupted with a quick, chaotic, yet structured "time for battle" call. That is a crazy life. I didn't ask to be a firefighter...lol! I thought I was just a girl with a husband, a family, a ministry, a calling....Oh! Yeah! All those things are like a battlefield huh? Haha! Life in itself is constantly a battle. Life throws crap on you, lemons at you, traps you, crushes you, blah, blah, blah...Life is not an Easy Jourmey, but it's an inevitable and inescapable journey...if you are alive that is.
We must learn to walk soberly, awake, ready to fight, ready to jump to the call of battle, ready for when an attack might occur. I am very, let's say observant, now a days. Every time I go to the bathroom, the bedroom, the kitchen, walk from room to room, I stop and look at the walls, I check out my surroundings and deem this "moment" safe for me to handle my business and move on to the next task. I have found myself doing this outside my house too. I don't try to or even mean to, but it's become a part of what I do. I'm not paranoid. I'm not afraid. I'm just ready. Like a spy, I am observing what's around me, although I can't always do it at a glance. Sometimes I take my time and look. Every lint, every scratch, every hole, every crack...all could potentially become a threat. Nothing is what it seems. That doesn't provide much security or assurance or comfort...that can definitely lead to paranoia. However, you see, MY GOD! He is my refuge and my fortress. I know that even though I may have to face the giants, face attacks, deal with life, He is always with me. THAT provides my security, assurance, and comfort. He said, "no weapon formed against me would prosper." The weapons get formed, they get thrown even, but He said they wouldn't prosper, so why worry! In order to experience VICTORY you gotta FIGHT! But you can't victoriously fight until you are ready!
I have been venturing into other rooms and stepping away from the spot I have kept. That spot didn't give me any freedom or escape, I was attacked there too. No where is completely safe. I'm learning to be comfortble in God wherever I am, wherever I go, what ever I see. I can't control any of it anyways right! Lol!
I leave you with this:
"...God's strong hand is on you...Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ-eternal and glorious plans they are!-will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does." (1 Peter 5:6-11 MSG)
Loves and Hugs,
Christina
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