Today is the kind of day that makes me want to curl in a ball and hide from the world until this storm of emotions has passed. Agh! I'm feeling so emotionally vulnerable today and it's getting harder and harder to control it all. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and I didn't feel so good. I didn't sleep well and the morning came way too fast. Today Cedric had to be at school early which meant a more rushed kind of morning where everyone in the house needed to be up, dressed, breakfast eaten, and out early in order to get everyone where they needed to be on time. NO ONE wanted to move. We were all very tired and even though today is an early release day, it did not help motivate anyone to move faster. The initial plan of action spontaneously changed as we had to adapt to everyone's slowness.....I should have foreseen a bigger set up coming on for me...I kind of did but I was really just trying to hurry and get that part of my morning over with. We ended up dropping off Cedric first and then had to swing back to the house to grab Camron's backpack because he of course forgot it...at that point I dropped my tired Jerry back off. See the original plan was for Jerry to drop me and the little ones off and then go take Cedg to his school (the whole Math department has AIMS tutoring Wed & Fri before school to better prepare them, not mandatory but kind of mandatory) then he would swing back around and pick me up. Since we were running late Jerry made an executive decision to just take Cedric first. So since he was up again super late and we had stopped at the house for Cam's backpack, I just had him get out and I took the kids. We were crunching on time and that means traffic...I try to avoid things that cause me stress, like running late and being stuck in school traffic. Those parents are crazy when they are rushing. Hey we are all trying to get to the same place. I'm driving and doing my thing just like everyone else and I'll spare you the details on this but some lady ends up yelling at me out her car window for something that took literally 2 seconds of her time, and what's worse is these people, who carpooled together, live in my apartments and park near my parking spot. TODAY WAS NOT THE DAY LADY!!!!!! I'm so not in the mood for dealing with ridiculousness. Lots of stuff was rising up in me and I definitely had many words for her. I bit my tongue and just kept going hoping and praying she would stay far from me because I swear if she opened her dang mouth anymore I was gonna let her have it! Now I'm not saying I was going to cuss her out, it wasn't like that at all but I sure was ready to shut her up! The whole time I kept thinking Lord I don't want to ruin an opportunity or a door to witness any time in the future by responding in a way outside of Your character. I want to be an example of a real Christian at all times. Luckily I did not see them again. As I walked back to the truck I told God, "If you don't want me to say anything to these people You better not let them come out at the same time as me because I don't know if I can keep my mouth closed right now if they say anything." I know I shouldn't be talking to God like that but I was having a hard moment and my emotions were on edge and I did not want to be put in a bad situation right then where I could lose my witness. I had some really great stuff to say and I was rehearsing in my head over and over how I could say something at all and put them in their place but do it in a tasteful way. When your emotions are heightened best thing to do is probably keep it shut! Ha!
So, I survived that without having to deal with anything else. At this point I'm trying to keep my cool and keep my lid on. I need the heat to come down from High to Low or Off...Lol! It's a delayed reaction though as it takes a while for the temperature to cool. Jerry was watching TV and I found myself feeling very alone. More emotions rising...are these fabricated now too? Dang it! Am I making up feelings and emotions in the middle of my storm of emotions. I'm feeling sad and mad and I want to cry and I want to hide and I want to be held and I want to go back to sleep and I want to have a big REDO to my whole morning. Waaah why does no one love me,,,,so stupid! I hate when my emotions are like this. Dang hormone levels! It's my own lovely womanly hormones and steroids in my body added on that is painting me such a beautiful sea of AaaaaaHhhhhhh! Haha! So after watching some new show with Jerry called Paparazzi or something like that, I couldn't take it. The show was making me sick to my emotional stomach with the craziness. I was getting to bothered by what was happening and I literally had to get up and leave. I came in my room, closed the door, and figured now was a better time than any to write....
Here we are.....
OMG are you kidding me Jerry...he barges in right now to....yep clip his toenails...really??? Don't you see I'm trying to get into a Happy Place here! Hahaha! All I can do is laugh right now! Just laugh! Why don't you laugh with me....Ha Ha Ha Ha HA Ha HA ha haha hahahahaha! ok.......wait ha ha ah ha......ok done!
Breath in....breath out.........alright let's regroup here!
Lord, YOU are the source of all my needs. I come to You because I know that if I don't I will surely explode! I need You to calm me down Father. Make still my raging storm of emotions. Call out to the waves and command them to be still. In Your name Jesus I command the waves to BE STILL!!!! Father, help me to change the whole course of this day for YOUR Glory! This day is not about me and my petty ridiculousness. This day is the day You have made I will rejoice and be glad in it! Open my eyes to You. I want to see You in this day. Open my heart to what You have for me. I want to have productive rehearsals tonight and that always requires preparation on my part before hand. I know that my day will greatly effect my night so please help me to get back on the right track. Give me opportunity to exercise what You have put in me even if that means I must push past every piece of my flesh in order to walk victoriously in You. I am willing to Go ad Move for you. You have many tasks for me and I have got to control and bridle these emotional waves. I am in control of the sea because You are the Creator of me and the sea is in me. It is by YOUR strength in me that I can conquer any battle I face. By my own power I will fail, but supercharging with You will bring me the Victorious Battle Cry over the land of Overcome....hehe!
Abba thank You because I already feel calmer. I know that I must make the right choices today that will continue on in this victory and I know that there are more things yet today that will try to bring up rise out of me. I am strong in You! I will choose You above all else. I can do this! But Daddy....if it's ok, I would love for You to go a little easier on me just for today so I can maybe ease into whatever comes next. I need help! If I am allowed more sleep or anything to help my day be better that would be greatly appreciated. And Lord, could You maybe do the same for Jerry. His morning had to start earlier than is helpful too and he is a hard worker. Give him rest and peace today. Give him some moments of happiness and joy. Put a smile on his face with Your goodness God. He needs You just like I do. Thank You God for always being there for us. We love You. I love You!!!!
Ok friends....this is me for now. Know this...God is stirring up His people right now. Something in the spiritual realm shifted on Sunday night. Something broke and we are going to begin to see the natural manifestation of it trickle down. We have been pressing really hard through some tough stuff lately, all of us barely hanging on. We have been focusing on the "press", overcoming it. God was showing me, It's Not About The Press!!! It's about the preparation that is taking place. We are being prepared for something right now that is for later, the end times kind of later. We are gaining skills and knowledge and strength in areas that will prove to be very significant and very key to the "later". We must still continue to press but see that it is not about the press but about the preparation.
Huge revelation came to me Monday night in the middle of our Leadership Meeting. In Youth, Jerry had been talking about bibles and how we needed to stop relying on electronics (phones, laptops, etc.) and start bringing our trusty Bibles and Notebooks every week. Electronics can fail us so let's get back to the basics which are more stable. So then at our Leadership Meeting Pastor Joseph says the same thing. He talks about how in the end times study it shows how people begin going back to the basics like farming. With the technology available and the Modern Warfare capabilities...many "electronic failures" could very possibly be in our future and force us back into basics. We need to remember the basic things and rely on those so we are prepared for the later. I started to remember some things God has shown me in regards to mine and Jerry's role in the end times. He has shown me things and also given other people dreams and visions that confirm some things. I know Jerry and I are called to be key players in some later things and in order to fulfill that we must "be prepared". Ah...DING! Revelation! God started to show me how all this crazy rash and allergy stuff I have been dealing with and every obstacle it has brought me has all been for my PREPARATION! Let me explain. When you are forced to change so many things about your life, with eating, food choices, food preparation, and really cautiously going about everything it changes who you are. God said, "Christina I need you to think differently about food." I need to go back to the basics and learn some things about basic foods. I never have had to cook things completely from scratch very often with all the easy luxuries of canned, frozen, prepackaged, prepared foods readily available at the store. It's all made easy for us....the people with the desire for the Easy Button. HOWEVER, when you are allergic to certain key ingredients found in almost every one of those prepackaged foods, you must become creative if you would like to still eat! I am finding myself having to go back the basics and cook from scratch if I want to enjoy food or even eat at all. I need to gain some new skills and get creative not just for myself but for my family. What if all I had was bags of dry beans, dry rice, corn meal, different stuff that requires basic from scratch skills and still make delicious meals my Easy Button, Chicken Nugget, Mac and Cheese, Pizza, and Chinese Food kids are used to eating....haha! What if I'm responsible for supplying foods for people in some crazy hideout house during some crazy times in our world. Yeah I'm talking stuff you see in movies where the military has taken over and our world has gone crazy, you can't buy or sell food, government control has gotten way out of control and we are living in some underground bunker out in the middle of nowhere, trying to survive and not be killed for loving Jesus....these things will be happening. Read the book of Revelation. I don't know exactly what I am to prepare for but in order to be ready I have to not only learn some things but also change my whole way of thinking. When I think about being blessed right now with the extra food money I think of all the things I can stock up on to make daily life easier and then pleasures I can indulge in that I hadn't been able to so easily and readily have access to, trying to budget. If I change my whole way of thinking maybe I would be stocking up in a different way....I'm leaving out lots of details but I hope you still follow me.
Now is the time for PREPARATION. We must begin to see that this is what God is doing. Somethings are about to happen and change and take place that we have been praying for and asking for but in order to have those things we needed to be prepared. Everything we have faced up until this point has been preparation but we need to see HOW and for WHAT in a different way than we initially realize.
God is moving....so get ready. You have to be open or you will miss it. We are now MOVING into the next season. We aren't waiting anymore....the ground has already begun shifting. It's already all taking place in the spiritual realm and so we are just moments away from seeing things in natural start to shift.
God poured so much into me and I barely sprinkled it out...but I hope it excites you and stirs you up and opens you up to God so He can show YOU some things too.
Love you all....until tomorrow.....or later if something is so good I can't wait to write....hahah!
Christina
Huge revelation came to me Monday night in the middle of our Leadership Meeting. In Youth, Jerry had been talking about bibles and how we needed to stop relying on electronics (phones, laptops, etc.) and start bringing our trusty Bibles and Notebooks every week. Electronics can fail us so let's get back to the basics which are more stable. So then at our Leadership Meeting Pastor Joseph says the same thing. He talks about how in the end times study it shows how people begin going back to the basics like farming. With the technology available and the Modern Warfare capabilities...many "electronic failures" could very possibly be in our future and force us back into basics. We need to remember the basic things and rely on those so we are prepared for the later. I started to remember some things God has shown me in regards to mine and Jerry's role in the end times. He has shown me things and also given other people dreams and visions that confirm some things. I know Jerry and I are called to be key players in some later things and in order to fulfill that we must "be prepared". Ah...DING! Revelation! God started to show me how all this crazy rash and allergy stuff I have been dealing with and every obstacle it has brought me has all been for my PREPARATION! Let me explain. When you are forced to change so many things about your life, with eating, food choices, food preparation, and really cautiously going about everything it changes who you are. God said, "Christina I need you to think differently about food." I need to go back to the basics and learn some things about basic foods. I never have had to cook things completely from scratch very often with all the easy luxuries of canned, frozen, prepackaged, prepared foods readily available at the store. It's all made easy for us....the people with the desire for the Easy Button. HOWEVER, when you are allergic to certain key ingredients found in almost every one of those prepackaged foods, you must become creative if you would like to still eat! I am finding myself having to go back the basics and cook from scratch if I want to enjoy food or even eat at all. I need to gain some new skills and get creative not just for myself but for my family. What if all I had was bags of dry beans, dry rice, corn meal, different stuff that requires basic from scratch skills and still make delicious meals my Easy Button, Chicken Nugget, Mac and Cheese, Pizza, and Chinese Food kids are used to eating....haha! What if I'm responsible for supplying foods for people in some crazy hideout house during some crazy times in our world. Yeah I'm talking stuff you see in movies where the military has taken over and our world has gone crazy, you can't buy or sell food, government control has gotten way out of control and we are living in some underground bunker out in the middle of nowhere, trying to survive and not be killed for loving Jesus....these things will be happening. Read the book of Revelation. I don't know exactly what I am to prepare for but in order to be ready I have to not only learn some things but also change my whole way of thinking. When I think about being blessed right now with the extra food money I think of all the things I can stock up on to make daily life easier and then pleasures I can indulge in that I hadn't been able to so easily and readily have access to, trying to budget. If I change my whole way of thinking maybe I would be stocking up in a different way....I'm leaving out lots of details but I hope you still follow me.
Now is the time for PREPARATION. We must begin to see that this is what God is doing. Somethings are about to happen and change and take place that we have been praying for and asking for but in order to have those things we needed to be prepared. Everything we have faced up until this point has been preparation but we need to see HOW and for WHAT in a different way than we initially realize.
God is moving....so get ready. You have to be open or you will miss it. We are now MOVING into the next season. We aren't waiting anymore....the ground has already begun shifting. It's already all taking place in the spiritual realm and so we are just moments away from seeing things in natural start to shift.
God poured so much into me and I barely sprinkled it out...but I hope it excites you and stirs you up and opens you up to God so He can show YOU some things too.
Love you all....until tomorrow.....or later if something is so good I can't wait to write....hahah!
Christina
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