I feel....

November 17^th 2010

Can I just send you out a word of encouragement tonight/today…I am really feeling something deep down in my spirit and it’s welling up inside. I can hardly contain it and I just want to explode, with excitement, with joy, with Trust in God’s work in my life, with God’s perfect plan, with God’s faithfulness to fulfill His promises. I am just a bubbling pot on the brink of catapulting myself over the sides and onto the surface.

It all started with today. I have been in desperate need of some much needed, deprived in my life, kind of rest. I kept telling everyone that all I wanted for my birthday was to SLEEP! Why would no one take me seriously? I really just needed to sleep. Well, God with all His Greatness, always provides a way of escape when everything begins to become too much for us to bear. Now I have been leaning on Him and learning to trust Him in new ways, still pushing, not giving up, but sometimes struggling to hold on. Today didn’t feel like an overwhelming day, in fact it was pretty ordinary and I went about my daily routine of getting the kids up and ready to start their day. We were running a tad bit late which always leaves room for disaster, however no such negativity existed. I came home and tried to think of how I wanted to start this day, because for me after the kids go to school is when the day starts. It’s when I make decisions based off of what my own schedule will look like, what things I need to get accomplished, etc. I have had much to do and have not been as successful as I would have liked to be in completing some tasks. Somehow I ended up back in bed and that brought on a super sense of sleepiness which began to easily overtake me. I was succumbing to it and the more I allowed it, invited it in, and entertained the idea of going back to sleep for a little bit, the more I was making the decision with each heavy eye blink. I decided against going to work with Jerry and to just stay home with my own unspoken agenda of going back to sleep for a bit.

Let me just say that I have one amazing husband. He took Cedric with him for the day and I was able to SLEEP!!! (For those unaware, which is probably most of you, Cedric is being homeschooled now. We are still completing the process of paperwork for his online schooling but that is our new life and we are settling into it rather nicely!) So anyhooooo, I totally slept the rest of the morning! I did not wake up until 12pm-ish once my phone started ringing. Finally by 1pm I was moving around like a person, but feeling so extremely refreshed. Due to some scheduling issues I ended up having to walk to get my kids but for some reason it didn’t bother me. I embraced it, as it was such a lovely day and I had been privileged with a day of rest. My bro-in-law had taken the day off and so he picked me and the kids up and dropped us off. (my niece goes to school with Camron and Jaeana). So no worries about the kids reaction the walk home, and that left us with more time. We did homework and then Jae rode her new birthday bike outside for a bit, where I was welcomed by my hubby with a delicious meal. I was craving a salad with grilled chicken. Did you know Boston Market made salads? Well I didn’t and it was DIVINE!!!! Just what I needed. Then later Jaeana and I made dinner for everyone. She helped cook everything and even named the new dish. We made elbow macaroni noodles and dressed them with a diced tomatoes sauce, smoked sausages, corn, and shredded parmesan cheese. She titled this dish, “Speghetti La La La” and the kids loved it. It was kinda spaghetti and kinda warm pasta salad. So on went my night of getting the kids showered and settled, cleaning up the house, studying my music for Wednesday’s practices, and going back and forth on my Word Feud scrabble phone game with random people. I just kept thinking, Wow, I haven’t been this happy in a while. I have been grouchy and stressed and trying to push past it but failing miserably!

This brings me to the intensity of what I am feeling. Have you ever felt like you were on the cusp of something so large and grand beyond what you could really think about and just know God is about to open up the heavens and pour out upon You straight from His hands? I have been feeling this but the stresses of unpaid bills, financial struggles, needs and wants, LIFE, has been playing tug o war with my knowing of God’s plan. We so underestimate God’s ability to be sovereign and just and faithful in our lives, moving mountains and oceans and making room for us to walk freely on dry land. God is keeping us and covering us and just when we feel we are going to snap, He comes in and scoops us up and shows us that everything is going to be alright, keep pushing, keep trusting, keep moving forward toward the prize. His gentle and powerful voice is so calming and soothing and just what we need to hear to help us keep going. It gives us the fuel to push forward and it’s amazing! I just love how God cover us.

“Let the Light of Your face, shine down upon my heart, and let me feel it….” Ahhh God just to be “…surrounded by Your presence, what will my heart feel, will I dance for You Jesus, or will the awe in me be still, will I stand in Your presence or to my knees will I fall, will I sing Halleluia will I be able to speak at all I can only imagine…” Because “Jesus I’m desperate, for You, Jesus I’m hungry for You, Jesus I’m longing for You, cause Lord You are, all I want!!!”

Let my heart sing and dance for You Lord!!! Stir up a new song in me Holy Spirit that I might outpour upon the people, upon Your land. Let me spill out as the bubbling pot I am. Let me spill out and let Your spirit in me shine brighter than any star. Thank You Lord for Your refreshing, renewing, life giving spirit that fills me Joy and turn my weeping into gladness.

I want to encourage you all to keep pushing, keep pressing, keep moving forward…the time is NIGH and God is about to release upon His people, upon those that have diligent sought after Him and are still pressing forward, trusting in His faithfulness. Let Your example prove He is God and God alone!!!

Until another time folks…

Loves and Hugs,

Christina