Control or Choice...

Control...it's a funny thing! Not funny as in "Ha - Ha", but funny as in interesting. So maybe I'll say, Control....it's an interesting thing! 

It's this thing we tend to need to survive, stay sane, move forward. We fight for it, we fight because of it! It's more the Lack-Of-Control we have issue with though. It's not "having" control that sends people in a tizzy and causes them to lose their rational mind. You don't believe me? Think about it! Think about why you become frustrated with people and circumstances. You cannot control people, although we try, especially if you have children, you cannot control the happenings of life. When things don't go "Our" way, we tend to....well, struggle...lol! That is the realization of NOT being in control. Control is having YOUR way. Lack-Of-Control is NOT having Your way! 

The funnier thing still, is that we fight for, lose our minds for, get all crazy over NOT having control when in fact we have Never had control. Why did we ever think we did? Who said we did? Who granted that super power to you? Is that not what started the whole fall ofAdam and Eve in the garden...the lure of being in control? Is that not what got Lucifer cast down out of heaven...the desire to be in control instead of God? Ok, follow me here...Do you believe God is in control? 

I do! I can prove it too! I have liked to think I have been in control of my own life, when in fact I never was in control. You see God gave us the power of Choice! Let me stop there, rewind, and highlight the word...GAVE! God GAVE us, granted us, handed us, the opportunity and ability to choose. That means God is in control and has allowed us an opportunity to choose yea or nay, left or right, up or down! He still has the control. Choice, is an option given, not control itself. We have the option to say, Yes God it's Your will, or say, No God it's my will. The consequences take effect regardless of the decision. The decision determines what those consequences will be, good or bad. If we had control, we could determine our own consequences...make sense?



Getting really personal here, I went through a time in my life of great depression and anger. My thoughts became irrational, and basically I wanted to die as way of escape from the pain I could not control. I thought that I made the choice not to take my own life because well, I didn't want to go to Hell, and I didn't want my kids to suffer in life because I was too weak to handle it. Understand that I give ALL glory to God for healing me and lifting me up out of that darkness and into His marvelous Light. However, the revelation of my Lack-Of-Control in ALL things hit so heavily yesterday in the middle-end of Church Service, that all I could do was weep and weep. The Spirit of God was upon me and I was so weak. I was unsure how I would stop crying, as service was near ending, and I needed to get my kids and say hi to people...I was not alone in the comfort of my home, I was around people and quite vulnerable. Now I surely am not afraid to be vulnerable and cry, the services were powerful and life changing and affected more than just myself. I wanted to sit in the chair and just cry and let God hold me, but life continues on and I'm a triune being; sprit, soul, and body, and well, my body had things to do! Haha! Somehow it all worked out, but I was left with the thoughts this new revelation left behind. I'm still digesting and marinating all of it. God's presence is so beautifully overwhelming. 

God has always been in control. He controlled whether or not I took my life. He had a purpose and plan for me and I was still choosing Him, just battling my mind and emotions. His plan did not include me killing myself. Have you ever wondered how people's suicidal attempts fail when there is no reason it should have failed? Hello...GOD! If it ain't your time, it ain't your time! Now, not everyone meets that same end. Some people die anyways. I don't know if in their life lived out, they would have ever turned to and chosen God, possibly saving many lives through their testimony. Maybe if it wasn't that time it would be another. Maybe they would have caused much damage to others around them (as everything we do affects other people) and Satan would have really grabbed hold of them. I don't know. I do know that we all have the opportunity to meet God, let Him change us, and live for Him instead of ourselves. We have the CHOICE to take that opportunity or not. 

I hope I am making sense as I'm still trying to articulate it all. I just wanted to get some of it out while it was still fresh. Something bigger is coming and has been stirring in me for awhile. I FEEL the winds of change, I FEEL the supernatural shift getting ready to rock the world, I KNOW a Move Of God is coming, and I'm getting ready!!! 

Marinating Still,
Christina