Just Keep Swimming....

Oh my goodness! After all that dominion taking, after all the victory had, after all the pep talking, I couldn't even get through the night without a hostile takeover attempt. I mean, all I needed was some sleep, but apparently that was asking way too much. I was up until 5am battling more bed bugs. I was trying to go to sleep on my little recliner loveseat, I kept feeling tickles and was slightly paranoid, I got up to get some socks out of my room and use the restroom when I saw a little army of bed bugs fleeing in bathroom, on the wall, on the baseboard, the door frame, behind the toilet, near the bed....WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!!!!! I cried! After all my strength talk, I just caved in and cried...I was done! I was DONE! I can't do this anymore! Aaaaahhhhhhh! My mom came to my rescue, thankfully, with comfort and the word...she reminded me of what we had just been speaking, she prayed with me, and let me cry on her shoulder. Hubby wanted sleep and did not care about bugs at that present moment (sometimes I wish I could be brave and fearless and careless like that). I have never felt so alone and abandoned. It wasn't Jerry though, God was trying to get me to see something. Usually this involves me feeling alone...(chuckle-smirk).

It was a keep-happening kind of night. These dang creatures weren't letting up and I was ready to call the owner, tell him to let us out of this lease, I quit, I don't know where we will go, the kids will have a hard time in school, ugh...those other thoughts came flooding in just as quick...the ones that did not involve my retreating escape to safety. I felt no more safety, I didn't know where to sit let alone sleep. I just wanted to run away! "Someone save me please..." those were my desperate yelps and pleas! Was anyone even listening? Did God even want to protect me? Were the angels even doing their job? Was I doing something wrong? WHY?!?!?!

Feeling like David again with the back and forth emotions...I bravely sat back on my couch, determined not to sleep since it was time to get up in an hour, I was going to devise a plan to present my hubby with when he woke up after sharing ever so gently my horrific wee morning hours of attack and abandonment...I did fall asleep for an hour though.

I don't find this funny, but after working past the initial emotional outburst of a response, I could see what God was trying to show me. I needed to see HIM. I allowed myself to be convinced I was completely abandoned, which was not true. God never left me and my mom was right there by my side. Even in Jerry's sleep, he was there, showing me how to ignore the enemy's weak attempts to overtake us. I felt left though! I thought, "What happened to the victory You promised me Lord?" Now it's never good when you begin to question God in your life. I know Him better than that, but the mind and emotions are a powerful enemy against all reason. Regardless of how powerful of a hold these emotions have on me, I cannot remain in that place...that place equals death! If I stay there I will die. I have been there before and I almost did die. I will not choose that path ever again..I choose JESUS CHRIST!

I was reading some scriptures on the way to church this morning and God promises to keep me safe, give me peace, and protect me at night so I do not have to be afraid. I still must "go through", I still must "suffer" some things, but if I keep my focus on HIM than everything else becomes so insignificant. The GIANTS in the land, otherwise known as the bedbugs, are not as strong against me because GOD is on my side and He fights my battles, and He has already won the victory...all I have to do is keep walking forward.

The Israelites were afraid to go in the new land because of the giants, even though they knew God had already given them victory. Their fear kept them from the promise...I will not be kept back from receiving what God has for me....I want release so I will fight for it. The day feels better than the night...but I can no longer walk in fear...I must only walk in HIM....

Will you walk in Him with me? I'm sure there are some giants you may be facing right now...let me tell you, you are NOT alone...I'm here! We will fight together! God made us strong in the power of His might, so we go forward, ready to fight!

Until next time,
Christina


"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler. Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee. Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked. Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet. Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation." (Psalm 91:1-16 KJV)