Search Me, Examine Me, Investigate Me....

Psa 139:23  Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
Psa 139:24  And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
(King James Version)






Psa 139:23  Examine me, O God, and know my mind. Test me, and know my thoughts.
Psa 139:24  See whether I am on an evil path. Then lead me on the everlasting path.
(God's Word Version)




Psa 139:23  Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about;
Psa 139:24  See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong-- then guide me on the road to eternal life.
(The Message Version)






How interesting this passage in Psalms is. Are we bold enough as King David was to ask God to search us, examine us, investigate us, try us, test us, and look for any areas in our lives that are not in alignment with Him? We may say we want God to change us and make us more like Him, but do we really want that to come in the form of a test? Do we want to go through something in order for God to see and our own self to see if we are walking on the right road? We want a life with God and a life of comfort. Is that not the image created for Christians? Or is it the image of when you become a Christian life is no longer fun? What image has the world created of who and what a Christian really is?


It seems to be such a loose term that many people claim to be. "Oh yeah, I'm a Christian". Really? What makes you a Christian? What is a Christian? Are you a Christian because you go to church? Are you a Christian because you believe in God or even in Jesus? Is that what we measure the name of a Christian by? Are YOU a Christian? Why???


The scriptures talk about Christianity once Jesus came into the picture. The word and it's meaning are centered around Him...being that He is Christ....so to be a Christian is to be a Follower of Christ. If you are a follower of Christ than He is the example by which you live. Can you honestly say that in your life, you are exemplifying a Christ life? Does your life look like His in the sense of His morals, His ways, His values, His actions, His principles...? When people see you do they see a Follower of Christ?


There are many men out there who have claimed to be a man worth following. For example you have Muhammad, who many follow and look at as what they see a kind of Christ. There is only One Christ who is God and any other are just people. Jesus was not just a man...He is the Son of God....He is the TriUne being of God. He is the ONLY WAY, the ONLY TRUTH, the ONLY DOOR, our ONLY connection with God. Without Him there is no us....we would have been wiped out. BUT GOD...sees us through the eyes of Jesus, whom having compassion on a broken people in need of Him, brings us back to Him. He loves us and so He has come to save us. No one else has the power to do this....eh I won't go any further into that today.


Can we be bold in our love for God to ask Him to test us that we may prove to be acceptable and without blame because we follow in the footsteps of our Master and Saviour? Just a thought....just a question....what impact in your life will it make?






Prayer:
Lord above all else I desire to be in right standing with You. I want to please You in all that I do, all that I say, all that I am. I want not only to be a vessel for You to fill and use, but an honorable vessel that You can use for Your glory. 
2Timothy 2:21  If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honor, sanctified, meet for the master's use, prepared unto every good work.
For I desire to Glorify Your Holy name above all others. My LOVE is for You Abba. I am in Love with the One You sent for me...Jesus....prepare me to be the Bride that He awaits to return unto. Reunite me with Him Father that I may dwell in Your house forever. Thank You Lord for giving me another chance to come unto You. For in my sin, You have seen me and forgiven me. You have lifted up mine head from the ashes, turned my mourning into dancing, given me a song from within. Stir up my spirit that I may bring joy unto Your name. Let the angels rejoice when they hear my praise go up to You. Lord here I am, I am Yours!!
Love, Christina

Hunger and Thirst...

So yesterday I was watching this clip on YouTube about Worship Leading. I like to watch and listen to what other Follower's of Christ are speaking and the things God is revealing to them. I get inspired and stirred up in my spirit and it opens me to my own revelations from God for my own life. Anyways, it was by Darlene Zschech, the leader of Hillsong. She said that to be comfortable was the exact opposite of being hungry...if you are feeling hungry than you are not very comfortable right? Well in the scriptures it talks of those of us who Hunger and Thirst after God, His righteousness, His presence, Him. Mat 5:6 says, "Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled." This is so interesting to me. It says blessed are those who hunger and thirst...they will be filled. Carefully looking at that, it doesn't say anywhere in the end that you will be filled and no longer hunger and thirst. We are blessed and filled when we hunger and thirst. It seems to not really make sense, but with God it makes more than sense. I feel like I'm jumbling what I am trying to get out. We cannot live in a place of "comfort" because to do so would be opposite of being hungry and thirsty. We must stay Hungry and Thirsty so we can be filled. When you are satisfied, you have no need. If we are satisfied we will not desire for more of God. We will stop seeking Him, not go any further or higher or deeper into Him. We stop until we "feel" hungry and thirsty again. In order to keep this going continually we must not look to be filled with "fill-ers" we need only to be filled with Him. How easily deceived are we that we think we are "full" and so we just stop eating. We are full...full of fake fillers and processed food that has gone through all kinds of chemicals and genetically modified procedures to supposedly make the food taste better or to preserve it from going bad too fast....see where I am going with this??/

We  must fill ourselves with the ALL NATURAL JESUS! Free of contaminants, free of dyes, free of chemicals, free of debris, free of junk, good for you, 100% WHOLE, just the way nature created it to be...the way God gave it to us, before we got a hold of it......always searching for control we are....!

Are you HUNGRY and THIRSTY for something? Get HUNGRY AND THIRSTY FOR GOD SO HE CAN FILL YOU IN SUCH A SATISFYING WAY THAT CONTINUES TO BRING YOU BACK FOR MORE.....mmmm mmmm mouth watering good!!!

Saturday's Study...

1Corinthians 1:6 "Even as the testimony of Christ was confirmed in you:"


I am continuing my study in Corinthians and as I came across this scripture I had to stop. I had to ask myself this question: "Is the Testimony of Christ confirmed in my life?" 


We all should ask this question of ourselves. As I talked about before, are we really accurately representing Christ in our lives, it's along the same vein. I just want to be a vessel for Him. This is a common phrase used by many Christians, but like everything concerning God, we don't fully understand what we ask of Him until He begins to show us. We say we want strength, but with strength comes a way to exercise it. How do you know you are strong if you haven't done anything where you needed to use your strength? It's not like we popped in a can of Jesus Spinach and our Popeye Muscles bulged out for everyone to see. Even if they did, does that mean you are strong? Maybe it's all a fissad, muscles for show on the outside, but no true strength to back them up. 


Did you ever see the episode of SpongeBobSquarePants where him and Sandy are working out and even to lift the smallest pebble was too difficult for him? Well he gets this bright idea to buy these fake, inflatable muscles from TV. Then he goes down to the workout place and shows them off with all the buff creatures. When Sandy sees him she doesn't realize how he could have gained all that muscle overnight, but goes with it and signs him up for a strength contest...SpongeBob, knowing that he didn't actually have the strength tried to get out of it but could not. He ends up looking foolish after failed attempts to lift the heavy weights and then popping his inflatable muscles...


Why do we go to great lengths to prove our strength to others and even to ourselves? Even deeper, why do we think we won't encounter areas where we will have to prove our strength? Hmmm...


We are weak beings in comparison to such a mighty and powerful Maker. Through Him is where our strength abides. Only through Him can we truly be strong. I don't want to be fake strong...haha....I want to be real strong. The only way I can do that, we can do that, is to confirm His testimony in our lives. 


What is His testimony? The Gospel. In 1 Corinthians 1:6 it is called “the testimony of Christ,” because it bore witness to Christ - to his divine nature, his miracles, his Messiahship, his character, his death, etc. The message of the gospel consists in bearing witness to Christ and his work; 

1 Corinthians 15:1-4

"1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand; 2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain. 3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; 4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:" 

2 Titus 1:8 "Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God;"

Is the evidence of the Holy Spirit present in our lives? Speaking in tongues or miraculous happenings? Does our life SHOW God? Does it say I believe in God and look how He has done things in my life? It's not even about our experiences. Christ's testimony, the Gospel, what He did for us, is that being exemplified through us, confirmed, established, proved, in our daily lives? 

How would we show such a thing? By being "doers of the word and not hearers only." James 1:22. Mark 16:20 "And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with them, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen." When the Lord is working through us, and we are working according to His will and purpose for our lives, than evidence of Him WILL be seen. He shows Himself to those who desire. He shows Himself to a hopeless world who needs Him, but does not realize that is the emptiness they are trying to fill on their own. Who can testify of the Lord but us who are here on the earth for that purpose. Act 20:24  But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God. 

God seeks a people who will live for Him, go for Him, move for Him...do we desire only to move for ourselves or do we see a greater purpose behind why we are even here on earth? Do we desire to "confirm the testimony of Christ in our lives" that all who sees us would not see us but see Him and come to know Him in their lives? 

What is the desire of your heart? 

"In light of all this, here's what I want you to do....I want you to get out there and walk--better yet, run!--on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. infancies among us, please. We'll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love--like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love. And so I insist--and God backs me up on this--that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They've refused for so long to deal with God that they've lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can't think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion. But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything--and I do mean everything--connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life--a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you. What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself. Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry--but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life. Did you used to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can't work. Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift. Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted. Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians Chapter 4 - The Message Bible)

Until another time...Loves and Hugs Friends,

Christina Carroll

You may get offended, but I don't really care...

Every day I read things and see people living lives that look just like everyone else in this world. It's the epidemic of the "in moderation justification" crowd. 

"Oh I only drink sometimes."

"I only have the occasional glass of wine."

"I only smoke pot sometimes."

"I only smoke Hooka sometimes."

"When I _______ I feel the Holy Spirit and pray and stuff."

"I'm gay and I love Jesus."

"I LOVE horror movies." followed by... "I have insomnia!"

"Tattoos, Tattoos, Tattoos, and more..."

"Piercing, Piercing, lips, eyes, chest, head..."

"Liquor + friends + smoking = good times....and we all love Jesus."

I look around at a people who do everything the world does. You listen to the same music, drink the same drinks, wear the same things that let you define or express yourself....ugh....what separates you from the world? Now I'm not speaking from a hypocritical stand point as if I am on some higher level and free of the things I do. It's just I find myself always asking....where does the line draw? I mean everyone's definition of that line is so completely different. We base the line off of what we justify as ok in our lives not the Word of God - the Bible. I mean REALLY we do this!!! We can go far into it and dissect every area of life from Food to Movies to Music to Drinks to Lifestyle. "Defiling the temple" could be abusing what you eat and being very unhealthily obese. Or it could be abusing alcohol and drugs. Or it could be cutting, or tattooing, or piercing, or any number of things really. It could be eating too much Chocolate Cake everyday which is not good for your body but we do it. Where does the line draw between the way God intends for us to be and the way everyone and everything else says to be? Did you make the line? Do you have the power to make the line? 

1Corinthians 6:9-11 Amplified Version

6:9  Do you not know that the unrighteous {and} the wrongdoers will not inherit {or} have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived (misled): neither the impure {and} immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who participate in homosexuality,

6:10  Nor cheats (swindlers and thieves), nor greedy graspers, nor drunkards, nor foulmouthed revilers {and} slanderers, nor extortioners {and} robbers will inherit {or} have any share in the kingdom of God.

6:11  And such some of you were [once]. But you were washed clean (purified by a complete atonement for sin and made free from the guilt of sin), and you were consecrated (set apart, hallowed), and you were justified [pronounced righteous, by trusting] in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the [Holy] Spirit of our God. The basis for our obligation to Christ could not be stated any clearer. He gives three reasons: 1. Verses 9-11 show what put us into indebtedness to make redemption necessary. 2. Verse 19 says that our body is now the temple of the Holy Spirit. 3. Verse 20 states that, because of redemption, we now belong to the One who redeemed us, and we must glorify Him in body and spirit. Concerning our bodies being "the temple of the Holy Spirit" it is good to reflect on the Old Testament symbolism that God abode in the Holy of Holies within the Temple. Paul reminds us that God now lives in us (John 14:7, 23), and we are obligated to live with the utmost circumspection so that He in no way is defiled by our conduct. So it is with Christ: We are obligated to consider His demands in every area of life all the time and under every circumstance. What an honor! Do we really uphold it as an honor though? I mean it seems like we would much rather please ourselves, our needs, which is glorifying ourselves and putting ourselves before the One who we need. When our life is looked at from an outside perspective what is it that is really seen? Could someone tell from a distance that that person is a Christian? When you see someone standing across the street how can you tell what kind of person they are? What about when someone has a casual conversation with you? Can they tell that you love God, that you are a follower of all that represents Jesus, in that conversation? What about when you are talking about your life to people around you be it at work or school or wherever you spend your time? What do you look and sound like? Does it represent Jesus?  You may be thinking yes, you may be thinking sometimes, or even no. You may even say that how can you look and sound like that all the time? Again I ask you WHERE IS THE LINE? In the end if it doesn't match up with the Word, than we have crossed it. None of us, not one of us is perfect or even worthy in the smallest sense to "make it to heaven" or "measure up to any standard" in the bible. We all fall short...all of us! (Romans 3:23) WE NEED JESUS!!! HE is the Way, HE is the TRUTH, HE is the LIFE, HE is the ONLY DOOR....JESUS! Our whole purpose in life should be to look like Him. He is the role model we should be working towards "growing up to be."  Look, I said I'm not perfect...guess what....I watch Harry Potter movies. I don't let my kids but I watch it. I have issues with anger. I constantly have to push past myself, and I do fail at times, to not react in a negative way. I DO NOT drink or smoke or tattoo or have any other piercing besides 1 in each ear and my nose. I listen only to Worship Music, I read only Christian books outside of the Bible, I try to eat healthy, I do indulge in yum foods, although not so much right now with my allergy issues. My life is one of NEVER GIVING UP ON BEING WHO GOD HAS CALLED ME TO BE. I will admit when and where I am wrong and if I don't see things about myself I ask God to show me or help me. I know I need Him. I want to live a life that shows that...it's my desire to represent Christ while here on this earth. When you see me I want you to see what a person who LOVES God and LIVES FOR HIM Only, looks like. I have imperfections but I am willing to change. It's not an easy journey and that's what makes the path narrow....many give up and turn back. I refuse to turn back. I want to sometimes but really what am I going back to....like in The Matrix....once you know the truth even if not knowing was simpler, why would you put back on the ignorance cap and re-enter the Matrix? I mean what kind of life is that? Sure in one sense life seems easier when you are not concerned about pleasing anyone or following anyone's rules. Isn't that the real American Dream --- Do Whatever The Heck You Want To Because You Can? Lol! THAT IS OUR FLESH...THAT IS SATAN...THAT IS WHY SATAN IS HERE AND CAST DOWN FROM HEAVEN. I don't want to adopt Satan's views.....didn't you hear? IN THE END HE LOSES...Yeah Satan loses to God.....so if victory is yours on God's side...isn't the push and hard work and effort put in worth it? I guess you have to decide. I'm sure I have pissed some people off....oh well...I just get intolerant of what I see when I know that doing those things DO NOT PLEASE GOD. Yes, God I would give up Harry Potter movies for You...what do You want of me, what do You ask of me? How can I represent You BEST? Show me and guide me that way and whatever the cost, whatever the pain, whatever I must suffer and go through and endure...I will do it for You!!! YOU MAKE IT WORTH IT ALL!!!!! Now I need Your help to accomplish this, but You promised me You would help me and that I wasn't alone and that You are with me wherever I go so I trust in Your promises and walk with You. (I'm being facetious with the Harry Potter thing but so serious if it's something God says has also got to go....just to clarify...I was using it as an example that I have asked myself about. I will not go see Twilight or watch True Blood or Vampire stuff because the whole point is seducing you. Vampires are seducing creatures that trap you and defeat you...but some of you like that draw, that tempting naughty trap thinking you can escape it but more being so consumed by it you can't distinguish truth from lie. But then Harry Potter is witchcraft so you can see my example making sense as a question and a desire to not be hypocritical. That Line...where is it?)

DAY 21....I'm HERE!!!!!!!!

DAY 21....where one journey ends, another begins....

Wow! What an amazing, adventurous, rough, eye-opening, revelational, transitional, moving, growing, pressing, trusting, emotional journey this has been!!! I can't believe I made it here. When I first started and even half way through I wondered what this day would look like or be. I am so in such a great mood right now! I woke up this morning and the whole beginning was a great start. Got my kids off early and then came home and went for a walk. I am trying to make a habit of at least 2 days a week, on Tuesday and Thursday mornings. It will be so nice as the weather begins to cool down. As I was walking home, I saw Cedric walking in the distance. Apparently his bus did not come and so half the kids just gave up waiting and started walking. This is a bit too much for me. He has never walked to school along busy streets or open paseo walking paths alone. I wasn't ready. Luckily I saw him and could get him to school myself. Jerry had gone off to breakfast with Pastor Joseph so no one was home and he did not have his phone because he has been grounded. Um...he will be always having his phone from now on! But he is all set and I am home and I enjoyed my morning. I made myself a smoothie, well I started to and realized I did not have any ice so I had to improvise. I bought this really delicious Soy Free, Dairy Free, Gluten Free COCONUT MILK Ice cream. It is actually really quite yummy and tastes so much like real ice cream that the first time I tried it I kept checking the label just to make sure there was no dairy. Any ways I used a few spoons of that, fresh strawberries, a freshly juiced cucumber and a freshly squeezed lemon. All blended up it was actually, well is actually super tasty! I'm drinking it now as I type. I love creativity and what it inspires. My favorite thing to do is see where creativity will get me. I have discovered or happened upon new recipes or new skills that made me feel quite good about myself.

Anyhoooo....today is such a great day! It feels great to be able to breathe and to be able to have clear skin. GOD HAS HEALED ME!!!! My skin is close to normal and so is my breathing. Last nights practice was great. Ah to be able to breathe!!! I mean we really take air for granted! Our body's ability to operate and function in the normal things is really important and very special and when it begins to fail you in even the slightest way it can be scary! I am so thankful for this time of refreshing. I know that I have more along my journey. This was only one adventure along the way. The ups and downs definitely have kept me on my toes. Thank you Lord for a moment to rest from it all and rest in You.

I'm still on the medicine another week and a half but it's going good. I have my moments of really desiring to eat something I can't have and that kind of sucks but pushing past it and finding things I can have is great especially when I feel great with it. I would really love a chicken nugget and a piece of chocolate though. I mean I am even craving things like cheese which I'm not allergic to but intolerant too and will jack up my belly badly. My body is still trying to adjust to the things I am not having. It's weird! Probably the only crappy part is not knowing what I can eat if we go out to eat. Most foods are cooked in Vegetable oils which is Soy based or it has wheat or it has dairy. I don't have very many "out to eat" options right now. Maybe in moderation later on I can go back to that but not until I get a handle on the heightened allergy state I have been in. NO WAY....Not worth it!

That's really it though isn't it? How long will we continue on in something until we finally say NO MORE it isn't worth it? For some things or in some areas we can allow something to go on even with the consequences that come with it. Like with foods that hurt our stomachs...we know we shouldn't eat it but the pains it brings isn't nearly enough pains to make us completely stop. How much more often do we as Christians do this with God and with Sin in our lives? Just something to ponder....

I'm gonna get a couple of things cleaned up around the house and continue on in my day....I hope everyone has an awesome rest of their day and rest of the week/end. Don't think this is the last journey you can have a glimpse of...like I have said before...this was only one adventure. Thanks for riding with me. I hope you learned something, were inspired or encouraged, saw deeper into the life of a real person living for God, and maybe even became closer with God yourself.

Loves and Hugs everyone,
Christina

DAY 20 of 21 DAYS....

Day 20 out of 21 Days....my journey goes on...






Today is the kind of day that makes me want to curl in a ball and hide from the world until this storm of emotions has passed. Agh! I'm feeling so emotionally vulnerable today and it's getting harder and harder to control it all. I had a hard time falling asleep last night and I didn't feel so good. I didn't sleep well and the morning came way too fast. Today Cedric had to be at school early which meant a more rushed kind of morning where everyone in the house needed to be up, dressed, breakfast eaten, and out early in order to get everyone where they needed to be on time. NO ONE wanted to move. We were all very tired and even though today is an early release day, it did not help motivate anyone to move faster. The initial plan of action spontaneously changed as we had to adapt to everyone's slowness.....I should have foreseen a bigger set up coming on for me...I kind of did but I was really just trying to hurry and get that part of my morning over with. We ended up dropping off Cedric first and then had to swing back to the house to grab Camron's backpack because he of course forgot it...at that point I dropped my tired Jerry back off. See the original plan was for Jerry to drop me and the little ones off and then go take Cedg to his school (the whole Math department has AIMS tutoring Wed & Fri before school to better prepare them, not mandatory but kind of mandatory) then he would swing back around and pick me up. Since we were running late Jerry made an executive decision to just take Cedric first. So since he was up again super late and we had stopped at the house for Cam's backpack, I just had him get out and I took the kids. We were crunching on time and that means traffic...I try to avoid things that cause me stress, like running late and being stuck in school traffic. Those parents are crazy when they are rushing. Hey we are all trying to get to the same place. I'm driving and doing my thing just like everyone else and I'll spare you the details on this but some lady ends up yelling at me out her car window for something that took literally 2 seconds of her time, and what's worse is these people, who carpooled together, live in my apartments and park near my parking spot. TODAY WAS NOT THE DAY LADY!!!!!! I'm so not in the mood for dealing with ridiculousness. Lots of stuff was rising up in me and I definitely had many words for her. I bit my tongue and just kept going hoping and praying she would stay far from me because I swear if she opened her dang mouth anymore I was gonna let her have it! Now I'm not saying I was going to cuss her out, it wasn't like that at all but I sure was ready to shut her up! The whole time I kept thinking Lord I don't want to ruin an opportunity or a door to witness any time in the future by responding in a way outside of Your character. I want to be an example of a real Christian at all times. Luckily I did not see them again. As I walked back to the truck I told God, "If you don't want me to say anything to these people You better not let them come out at the same time as me because I don't know if I can keep my mouth closed right now if they say anything." I know I shouldn't be talking to God like that but I was having a hard moment and my emotions were on edge and I did not want to be put in a bad situation right then where I could lose my witness. I had some really great stuff to say and I was rehearsing in my head over and over how I could say something at all and put them in their place but do it in a tasteful way. When your emotions are heightened best thing to do is probably keep it shut! Ha! 

So, I survived that without having to deal with anything else. At this point I'm trying to keep my cool and keep my lid on. I need the heat to come down from High to Low or Off...Lol! It's a delayed reaction though as it takes a while for the temperature to cool. Jerry was watching TV and I found myself feeling very alone. More emotions rising...are these fabricated now too? Dang it! Am I making up feelings and emotions in the middle of my storm of emotions. I'm feeling sad and mad and I want to cry and I want to hide and I want to be held and I want to go back to sleep and I want to have a big REDO to my whole morning. Waaah why does no one love me,,,,so stupid! I hate when my emotions are like this. Dang hormone levels! It's my own lovely womanly hormones and steroids in my body added on that is painting me such a beautiful sea of AaaaaaHhhhhhh! Haha! So after watching some new show with Jerry called Paparazzi or something like that, I couldn't take it. The show was making me sick to my emotional stomach with the craziness. I was getting to bothered by what was happening and I literally had to get up and leave. I came in my room, closed the door, and figured now was a better time than any to write....

Here we are.....

OMG are you kidding me Jerry...he barges in right now to....yep clip his toenails...really??? Don't you see I'm trying to get into a Happy Place here! Hahaha! All I can do is laugh right now! Just laugh! Why don't you laugh with me....Ha Ha Ha Ha HA Ha HA ha haha hahahahaha! ok.......wait ha ha ah ha......ok done!

Breath in....breath out.........alright let's regroup here! 

Lord, YOU are the source of all my needs. I come to You because I know that if I don't I will surely explode! I need You to calm me down Father. Make still my raging storm of emotions. Call out to the waves and command them to be still. In Your name Jesus I command the waves to BE STILL!!!! Father, help me to change the whole course of this day for YOUR Glory! This day is not about me and my petty ridiculousness. This day is the day You have made I will rejoice and be glad in it! Open my eyes to You. I want to see You in this day. Open my heart to what You have for me. I want to have productive rehearsals tonight and that always requires preparation on my part before hand. I know that my day will greatly effect my night so please help me to get back on the right track. Give me opportunity to exercise what You have put in me even if that means I must push past every piece of my flesh in order to walk victoriously in You. I am willing to Go ad Move for you. You have many tasks for me and I have got to control and bridle these emotional waves. I am in control of the sea because You are the Creator of me and the sea is in me. It is by YOUR strength in me that I can conquer any battle I face. By my own power I will fail, but supercharging with You will bring me the Victorious Battle Cry over the land of Overcome....hehe! 

Abba thank You because I already feel calmer. I know that I must make the right choices today that will continue on in this victory and I know that there are more things yet today that will try to bring up rise out of me. I am strong in You! I will choose You above all else. I can do this! But Daddy....if it's ok, I would love for You to go a little easier on me just for today so I can maybe ease into whatever comes next. I need help! If I am allowed more sleep or anything to help my day be better that would be greatly appreciated. And Lord, could You maybe do the same for Jerry. His morning had to start earlier than is helpful too and he is a hard worker. Give him rest and peace today. Give him some moments of happiness and joy. Put a smile on his face with Your goodness God. He needs You just like I do. Thank You God for always being there for us. We love You. I love You!!!!

Ok friends....this is me for now. Know this...God is stirring up His people right now. Something in the spiritual realm shifted on Sunday night. Something broke and we are going to begin to see the natural manifestation of it trickle down. We have been pressing really hard through some tough stuff lately, all of us barely hanging on. We have been focusing on the "press", overcoming it. God was showing me, It's Not About The Press!!! It's about the preparation that is taking place. We are being prepared for something right now that is for later, the end times kind of later. We are gaining skills and knowledge and strength in areas that will prove to be very significant and very key to the "later". We must still continue to press but see that it is not about the press but about the preparation. 


Huge revelation came to me Monday night in the middle of our Leadership Meeting. In Youth, Jerry had been talking about bibles and how we needed to stop relying on electronics (phones, laptops, etc.) and start bringing our trusty Bibles and Notebooks every week. Electronics can fail us so let's get back to the basics which are more stable. So then at our Leadership Meeting Pastor Joseph says the same thing. He talks about how in the end times study it shows how people begin going back to the basics like farming. With the technology available and the Modern Warfare capabilities...many "electronic failures" could very possibly be in our future and force us back into basics. We need to remember the basic things and rely on those so we are prepared for the later. I started to remember some things God has shown me in regards to mine and Jerry's role in the end times. He has shown me things and also given other people dreams and visions that confirm some things. I know Jerry and I are called to be key players in some later things and in order to fulfill that we must "be prepared". Ah...DING! Revelation! God started to show me how all this crazy rash and allergy stuff I have been dealing with and every obstacle it has brought me has all been for my PREPARATION! Let me explain. When you are forced to change so many things about your life, with eating, food choices, food preparation, and really cautiously going about everything it changes who you are. God said, "Christina I need you to think differently about food." I need to go back to the basics and learn some things about basic foods. I never have had to cook things completely from scratch very often with all the easy luxuries of canned, frozen, prepackaged, prepared foods readily available at the store. It's all made easy for us....the people with the desire for the Easy Button. HOWEVER, when you are allergic to certain key ingredients found in almost every one of those prepackaged foods, you must become creative if you would like to still eat! I am finding myself having to go back the basics and cook from scratch if I want to enjoy food or even eat at all. I need to gain some new skills and get creative not just for myself but for my family. What if all I had was bags of dry beans, dry rice, corn meal, different stuff that requires basic from scratch skills and still make delicious meals my Easy Button, Chicken Nugget, Mac and Cheese, Pizza, and Chinese Food kids are used to eating....haha! What if I'm responsible for supplying foods for people in some crazy hideout house during some crazy times in our world. Yeah I'm talking stuff you see in movies where the military has taken over and our world has gone crazy, you can't buy or sell food, government control has gotten way out of control and we are living in some underground bunker out in the middle of nowhere, trying to survive and not be killed for loving Jesus....these things will be happening. Read the book of Revelation. I don't know exactly what I am to prepare for but in order to be ready I have to not only learn some things but also change my whole way of thinking. When I think about being blessed right now with the extra food money I think of all the things I can stock up on to make daily life easier and then pleasures I can indulge in that I hadn't been able to so easily and readily have access to, trying to budget. If I change my whole way of thinking maybe I would be stocking up in a different way....I'm leaving out lots of details but I hope you still follow me. 


Now is the time for PREPARATION. We must begin to see that this is what God is doing. Somethings are about to happen and change and take place that we have been praying for and asking for but in order to have those things we needed to be prepared. Everything we have faced up until this point has been preparation but we need to see HOW and for WHAT in a different way than we initially realize. 


God is moving....so get ready. You have to be open or you will miss it. We are now MOVING into the next season. We aren't waiting anymore....the ground has already begun shifting. It's already all taking place in the spiritual realm and so we are just moments away from seeing things in natural start to shift. 




God poured so much into me and I barely sprinkled it out...but I hope it excites you and stirs you up and opens you up to God so He can show YOU some things too.


Love you all....until tomorrow.....or later if something is so good I can't wait to write....hahah!
Christina

DAY 19 of 21 Days....

This journey is coming to an end, but another one will soon be picking back up...why stop? Haha! Well, October 11th-31st we will be doing an ALL CHURCH - Daniel's Fast for our "Big Day" Event coming up the last weekend of October. It's October 29th-31st and it's our first annual Magmus Opus event of the Arts and many other things. This years theme is called RANSOMED. It will be super edgy, super awesome, and super - you won't wanna miss this - good! So ending one fast for one list of things and starting another fast for another list of things. This is a lotta close with God and a lotta I like it!!! :)

I debated WHEN I would write this today. I have had an eventful day. Not the kind of eventful I'm used to having but a day filled with HAPPY MOMENTS. That's always great right? So I woke up this morning like usual and got the kids ready for school. It was a late night last night because we had a meeting at church which made for some sleepy kiddos, but we got up and out just fine. As I was driving home (I get lots of ideas while driving home, it's my 2 minutes alone of pondering) I was thinking how it seemed like a day to workout. I didn't really feel like going to the gym though but productive behavior was needed. I came home and saw Cedg off to his school. Jerry was still asleep and I had wanted to try my creativity at some smoothie ideas my lovely friend Bridgette had sparked in me. I gathered my "workout" ready self and worked myself out in the store while I took my sweet time for about an hour. To my amazement Jerry had not called to see where I was so I figured he was still asleep and he was. He went to bed at like 4:30am working on Web & Work stuff...my little computer nerd! I cleaned up the casa a bit and prepared all my smoothie stuff. I tried not to make too much noise. I needed to use my berries before they went bad so I mixed raspberries, blackberries, and strawberries with freshly juiced Cucumber, hand squeezed lemon juice and ice....it was a super delicious creation I thoroughly enjoyed which added to my Happy Moments List. My store time was great, my store picks were great, and now my smoothie was great. I went to check the mailbox after cleaning my mess and when I walked back in the house it smelled of bleach and clean and the candles I was burning. Happy Moment again....oh yeah! The smell of clean makes me SOOO happy!!! Not sweaty stinky shoes piled by the door, or piles of dirty clothes and socks strewn about by all 4 of the other people in this house, piles of papers were neatly stacked, couches were straightened, desk was visible, floors were vacuumed....everything in the front part of the house was in order. Jerry had still been asleep but when I walked by to start laundry he was beginning to wake up. The day was flying by but that was cool cuz I was happy! He went straight to working again on his computer and I began working myself on the computer. The hours were really speeding by. We made a quick post office run somewhere in there I think. I totally just followed along for no reason. Then I remembered I needed to chat with my friend about some stuff she wanted to talk about which turned into a random Workout after all...I walked to her casa which isn't too far from me and then our chat turned into a Walk n' Chat around the nearby neighborhoods I used to live in a long time ago...good chat, good walk, got my workout in after all and that created more happy moments for me and a little bit, well a lot actually sweatiness. :)

I am all stocked up on my K-Cups for my Keurig which I haven't had in a while. I was just using the filter basket with my own ground coffee.....Oh have I missed you K-Cups and your perfect easiness!!!! LOL! Ooh I also made a delicious meal for myself before my walk too....I diced up a fresh potato in some Olive Oil and then added freshly chopped mushrooms and some diced pepperoni and made myself 2 eggs over hard (fried both sides)....ahhhh yum and I can eat it all with no allergy worries! YAY! Victory among the Happiness!!!! Had to throw that in....actually 2 victories with that yum smoothie!

I'm pretty sure that Satan wanted to ruin my Happy Moments  and Victorious Day because like every other day I went to pick up the kids and I parked along the street side----with EVERY OTHER CAR mind you. Now I know that the sign says No stopping anytime 7am-4pm BUT for 1. Jerry started this and we have been having the same exact spot coincidentally behind Gianna's Mom in Jaeana's class. 2. This has been everyday the past 2 weeks. Only difference Jerry wasn't with me this time. Now I saw the Motorcycle Police Officer and I was obeying every special slow down and turn signal and all that and with all the cars parked along this street I just did what I normally do without another thought. I got the kids, walked back to the car and as I was putting them in, Gianna's mom moments ahead of me, that Cop pulls up behind my truck. Lights flashing and staring at me. I was baffled and hoping he was just waiting for a car to move or something and was going around me but NO! No he was after ME! I was trying to hurry my kids up into the truck and he tells me "don't you see the sign?" I was really baffled and actually I HAVE NEVER EVER BEEN PULLED OVER OR STOPPED IN ANY WAY BY A POLICE OFFICER EVER IN MY LIFE OF DRIVING EVER!!! So I wasn't quite sure how to react I was still in shock. Without trying to be cocky staring at the row of cars...I said "Yes I see the sign but I didn't know we couldn't park here I just thought since everyone was doing it that it was fine." "No ma'am!" Well obviously I can see that now, but what about the car in front of me pulling away and any of those other cars...I didn't say that but I was thinking it. So I stood there waiting not knowing if I needed to grab my license or something. I have never done this before. After taking down my license plate number he went to the side of the car and was writing and I so I wasn't sure what to do so I followed him and asked if I needed to get anything for him. He told me No that it was only a parking ticket that would not go on my driving record just against the registered owner which I guess is Jerry. All I have to do is send in a $31 payment or if I wait $57 or contest it in court.

I got back in the truck and drove off. I was irritated that he purposely chose ME to bother which I thought was super stupid, and then I was feeling like I wanted to cry because this was my first Police experience, then telling myself that it was nothing, no harm just $31 I need to pay and a HUGE knowing that I WILL NEVER EVER PARK THERE AGAIN!!!! I will come early or walk a thousand miles through the neighborhood, but I WILL NOT PARK THERE! Bah!

I didn't let it shake me though and HAPPY I REMAIN SO BOOOO ON YOU POOOO SATAN! I win and you lose!

I finished my busy busy night of homework and book reports and stuff with the kiddos, had some time with my mom after Jerry had picked her up from the airport. I feel pretty accomplished. I need to finish up some cleaning and I had originally wanted to Pour Out my Latest Revelations but this is taking its place...ah well. I barely wrote this. I was up with Cedg til after 10pm helping to get things in order for him for school. Good thing he does't start school til 9pm for stuff like this. I'm practicing the set lists for tomorrow's worship practices in main and youth and my neck and head have tension and pain.....rushing to type this and end. Gotta go! Loves and Hugs, Until tomorrow!! OOOOHHHH Yay Jerry is home from Guy's night right now! Even better! See Happy Moments from beginning to end!!!!!! Oh yeah!!!!!

Bye!
Christina Carroll

DAY 18 of 21 Days...

So today was really good, but children issues are clouding it with negativity. Grrr...kids! It's not always easy being a parent. To have the job to teach and train up these kids in the way they should go, to have manners, to be respectful, to make smart and wise choices, to grow up and become who they are called to be, to be real follower's of Christ, to live according to the Word, to be examples even now of representatives of Christ for the people and children they are around, how every choice they make, every word they speak, every action they take speaks to what kind of person they are. It's a hard job at times but that is what God has called me to do. That is what He has entrusted to me and I don't want to fail. I realize I can only be successful with Him by my side guiding me, otherwise left alone I could possibly explode! LOL!

I want to be a good Mom, I want to not react out of my flesh. I really have to work on my anger and temper with my emotions. It easily rises up within me and I have to control it.

I am still receiving revelation from God and I will share it later. I am kind of tired. I rebelled against my diet changes today which resulted in some itchiness and throat closing...had to take some Benadryl and now I'm sleepy. I was able to pour out on the phone to my momma and it was great. I am so thankful for her. I am ready for Him. Preparation and Trust and Wide Open Eyes...this is my journey...be ready for the outpour because the inpour is overflowing!!! :)

Until tomorrow....night friends...have so much to share with ya...so much to pour out right now....sleep well!
Christina

DAY 17 of 21 DAYS...

Mighty Men, Mighty Women, Warriors, We're Taking it back!!! I remember when this song began to pour out of me one Sunday Night at Prayer Service. It was a declaration to us all that WE are the Mighty Warriors who God was calling forth to take back ALL that the enemy tried to steal from us. Well tonight, God brought that to my mind. He told me that we have become Weakened Warriors and that we could not be effective in battle without being girded in His strength. He was showing me how we hadn't given up in the midst of the battle, but that His people were getting weakened and if they did not gain strength fast they would be defeated by the lies and traps of the enemy. We all have been pressing through some really difficult seasons and it is time to remember what kind of warriors we are. We are not weak warriors but we are MIGHTY WARRIORS and we must take back the strength that has been depleted from us. We must gird up with His strength, wearing His Armour, the Full and Whole Armour of God. We cannot give up in this battle. Too much blood, sweat, and tears have been shed. We have come so far that I am beginning to taste it. I ask God to take me DEEPER than I've been before, take me FURTHER God I long for more, take me HIGHER than I've been before, Jesus I want more, Jesus I need more! I sang that today! I proclaimed that to Jesus and He heard me. He showed me some things about myself that I needed to change in order to continue on the journey effectively. He has been causing my focus to be on TRUST. My trusting in His guiding and moving me in a different way than I have before, a deeper way, in order to get where He is taking me. It is activating my faith in a new way and it has been rough. We say we trust God and have faith, but when He exposes an area where our trust and faith was actually weak....it's pretty intense and it doesn't feel so great. It's very eye opening and humbling and it forces you to make a choice to push past your flesh more and not rely on it in any way. Not relying on your natural senses, feelings, ideas, thoughts, plans, preconceived notions....to rely on NOT SEEING the manifestation, but BELIEVING IT TO BE SO, NOT FEELING comfortable in any area of life, NOT KNOWING what, where, when, why, or how, but just knowing it's GOD and being ok with that because we trust that His control, His way, His plan, His everything is better than our anything. Did You Hear Me??? His EVERYTHING is Better than our ANYTHING!!! Once we trust that fully we can move forward into where He is taking us, in order to fulfill our calling according to His purpose for our lives. 

So TRUST...God has been showing me how I need to trust my Pastors. I do trust them and have trusted them, but it was a revelational thing based off of learning to operate under a covering. I cannot presume to know all there is to know about submitting under a covering. God reveals things to me in levels and layers. He showed me that I needed to trust them to lead me even if they were leading me off the edge of a cliff (That was the example He gave me...it's really just saying that I may think it looks like a cliff but actually it may just be something else. Trusting that they know even when I can't see). If they were leading me that way, than they must know there is a net that will catch us, or that it only appears to be a cliff when actually it is not, and that this is the direction we are to go in to get where we are going. If I questioned the direction, than I needed to trust that God knows who He has me under and that HE will provide the net if He is asking me to follow and jump. Now I don't follow blindly in a stupid way. I follow in the direction I know God is leading me. He confirms things for me, but guess what...I don't always have to understand or know the full reason why my Pastors want me to go this way or that way or don't move at all. I trust that God is leading them, I pray for them, and God always confirms for me. I will always put things back to the word. I know that I am where I am supposed to be so I will follow because God said! I trust them to be led by God to take us all where we need to go. 

I TRUST my husband Jerry....God showed me that I need to also trust Him in this way. Trusting that God is leading him and that no matter what way we go, God is the Ultimate Covering over us anyways. If we must move to the left first before going right, or stand still even if I think we should run, I will trust and follow...Jerry is my covering and the head of my house. I submit under him even when I don't always agree. This is the order GOD ORDAINED! Jerry answers to God, I answer to Jerry. Now that doesn't mean my opinion goes out the window. I get say, but He makes the final decision. This is so important because Jerry and I, like Pastors Joseph and Bridgette, operate not just as husbands and wives, but also as Pastors. Both Bridgette and I are co pastors under a shared ministry with our husbands,but the men are the head and they are also OUR pastors. Jerry is my Pastor in our Youth Ministry and I submit under his leadership in that ministry. I have to know which hat I am wearing at what time and operate according.

This is heavy and many people do not agree with the whole idea of submission, but it's the WORD and if you call yourself a Christian that would mean you claim to be a Follower of Christ which is a Follower of His Word...We don't always get to know the whys or how's or whens or even what's, but we do get to activate/operate/exercise our FAITH and TRUST in the ONE and ONLY True Lord and Saviour JESUS!!!!! He is the ONLY WAY, the Only Truth, the Only Life....

I also received my healing tonight at prayer. I AM HEALED!!!! Just know that! I AM HEALED!!! By His stripes I am healed. By His Blood I am healed. He has made my body whole and restored me. I STAND ON HIM. I still walk this journey, but my strength is increasing. I will NOT forget what kind of Warrior I am. I AM A MIGHTY WARRIOR!!! GOD HAS CALLED ME AND I WILL PRESS FORTH FOR HIM!!!!! In Jesus Name Amen.

Night friends....hope you were inspired in some way. Having a covering is so important and God is trying to show us how to do it right so that the fullness of His work can be made manifest in our lives. I want that more than anything. Do you??? If you ask Him...He will show you!!!


Until tomorrow...Loves & Hugs,
Chrisitna


(made it with 5 minutes to spare...LOL!)

DAYS 15 and 16 of 21 Days...

I really do not like that I am making a habit of the combo days, but it is what it is.

Hi friends! Here we are on a lovely Saturday morning, approaching the afternoon. I have not yet actually been outside, but I still count the day as lovely because God gave me this day, He gave all of us this day. Hey, Hey, Guess what??? I AM STILL HERE!! Hahaha! I am still here and still standing and feeling quite nice at the moment. I did not wake up initially feeling this way, however, after going back to sleep and waking up a bit more refreshed I feel much better. Last night at Youth was really awesome! God comes in that place different every time and I love it! We are talking about "Relationships" right now and all the nitty-gritty, world vs. bible, ins and outs, do's and don'ts, questions and answers, everything in, around, and in-between. Touchy or Touche...yes, but necessary! Truth in all things must be shined! Pastor Jerry really has been "BRINGIN' IT!!" I must say that as I watch Him speak and listen to that mighty man of God rise up and pour out, I can't help but become more in love with Him. Then I think, well maybe I should be focusing on God and not Jerry...hahah! It's just so awesome to watch what happens when God pours into us and we pour it out. I am in awe at our growth. I am in awe at where we are, where we have come from, and where we are going. It is definitely not an easy road by any means, but it's a road that leads us to God's purpose and will and kingdom bringing us that much closer to eternity with Him. YES LORD, YES!

Rash status: Still rashy :(

I went to the Dr. yesterday and I am back on more Steroids for another 15 days to more aggressively treat this rash that won't seem to go away. I am also on some reflux type medication like Prilosec, but a different name. This is supposed to be a solution to the breathing issues I have been having. The Dr. thinks it is caused by the acid reflux and may have increased because of the medication's affects on my stomach. Today is my last day on Antibiotics, but I continue on with Reflux meds and Steroids. I also bought an All Natural Moisturizing Soap Bar as requested by my Dr. that has only like 5 ingredients in it and some Curel itch releif lotion that is also for sensitive skin (so far they are helping greatly)...I kind of am not liking this constant drug thing though. I am wondering if this is becoming more spiritual and unexplainable than just an allergic reaction turned infectious and rebellious to attempts to fix it. I am still believing God is my healer and I stand on that regardless of what my eyes see. I will declare every day that I AM HEALED by the Blood of JESUS CHRIST. I will speak that over myself and declare His victory. Last night we marched around and around and shouted and shouted that the "walls" in our lives would come down. This sickness is a wall and let me tell you it IS coming DOWN! I will march and sing and shout and do whatever else God leads me to do believing that when He says we have victory...WE HAVE VICTORY!

Trusting and Believing as I continue my journey...God what else do you have in store?

Loves and Hugs,
Until tomorrow...
Christina

DAY 14 of 21.....

Today I am UNSHAKABLE!!!!

I am so consumed by the presence of God today and nothing can take me from that place. Last night was a bit rough because I was feeling really emotional, my breathing difficulties were overtaking me, and my rash was coming back and spreading. I had a hard time at rehearsal as well, it's hard to sing when you can't get deep breaths of air. There is a constant pain in my chest and a tightening that is becoming harder and harder to push through. I can't get a deep breath of air and so every shallow breath causes what feel like air bubbles in my chest which is what the pain seems to be. It's like a tightening with trapped burps...haha! 

The rash and breathing are still persisting now, but even still I have a sense of peace and some really lovely joy. I am very uncomfortable, but I know that God is in control. Last night I had a moment of feeling like I was utterly alone. Like being surrounded by an angry mob of people and God was somewhere outside of it but I couldn't see Him or reach Him. Like I was stuck and stranded left to suffer continuously and no one would help or understand. I don't wanna be the big complainer, listing off my problems, so I often just stay quiet and push through. I have to for myself and I have to because I am an example. There is more at stake than me just doing whatever I want to with my life. I have been called to lead people. I have been called, as we all have to witness and share of the "good news". How can I dare open my mouth and speak of Jesus and live anything opposite of Him? I would blaspheme His name. I mean, Satan knows the word, he knows God, and he speaks whispers of lies to the people twisting and perverting the truths to the unknowing. I cannot participate in that or be in that same category. I must speak truth and live truth. I know I am far from perfect, but He who is perfect can through me, perfect me. The more I seek Him, the more I shed of my old self, my sinful self, the more I exemplify Him......It's about Him!

I must walk in this good day tomorrow....I must continue to press forth into His presence. I cry out to Him when I am weak because I know that through Him I am strong. In my failures He comes in and covers me and brings me back to Him. Only He can see me for who I really am and yet He loves me, oh how He loves me. He is my Father, Savior, my Friend, my Redeemer, my reason to live and He loves me where I am, that's who You are God!!!

Until tomorrow....well after I go to sleep and wake back up,
Loves and Hugs
Christina

DAYS 12 and 13 of 21 Days...

Another double days blog....not trying to make this a habit! 


Yesterday was a much better day, but I still had to press. I just chose to not allow anything to completely ruin me like Monday. I enjoyed some great time with my gal, which helped to soften the chaotic blows. Poor her, after Monday I might be scared to be friends with me. Vulnerability to the max I tell ya. I let it all come out and hey just so everyone knows....I'M NOT PERFECT! I DO HAVE BAD DAYS! I DO LET LIFE PULL ME DOWN! I DO FOLD MY HANDS AND JUST CRY! BUT!!!!!!!!!!!....................I refuse to stay there and I will do whatever it takes to be victorious! 


I was busy yesterday and the non-stop cycle probably helped me recover from my Monday Madness! Lol! I have been so frustrated trying to figure out what the heck I can eat. We went HUGE grocery shopping on Monday and out of all that food there was nothing for me. I am allergic to it all! WHYYYY!!!!! So I decided I would figure out things I could easily grab and snack on that I can eat and that would make me happy. I bought myself bunches of berries. Strawberries, Raspberries, Blueberries, Blackberries, and Black seedless Grapes, Organic Granola that did not have Rye, Barley, Whole Wheat, Milk, or Soy. That is hard to do! I also got some plain rice cakes, only one brand without soy in it, and I can eat it with drizzled honey which is actually quite tasty! I ate eggs yesterday with my delicious variety of  Jalapeno Green and Chipotlle Tabascos. I had to use Olive Oil to make the eggs in the pan because butter is dairy (I'm not allergic but have intolerance for) and Vegetable oil is really Soybean oil. Why call it vegetable oil when the only ingredient listed is Soybean? Bah! Lol!


I think I will put a positive spin on all of this and not focus on the negative or things I can't have or limitations, but instead list all the things I can have, how I can be healthy and feel good, how God is still at the center of my life and has a plan for me as I face this. I believe Him to be my healer and I don't think I will be stuck in this forever. I will press through and sacrifice to my flesh so that the Holy Spirit may rise up in me and I may fulfill the purpose. Maybe this can be like a continual consecration unto the Lord as my flesh is denied comforts and pleasures in this food area. Maybe it's a way for my tongue to be bridled as there is forced control (like a bit in a horses mouth) as to what goes in filtering what comes out. I choose to find positives! I choose!!!!! I CHOOSE!!! Yes, I am in control over my choices, so if that is the only control I really have let me master it and let God take care of the rest!


One small victory equals One giant leap and a huge moment of joy.....God loves me and He cares for me and He knows I am having a hard time. He is always there for me. I wanted a cup of coffee this morning and I know that Creamer has Soybean Oil in it, but I still wanted some. I decided to read the labels. The Coffeemate brand uses Soybean Oil and/or Cottonseed Oil, but to my amazement a new favorite creamer, The International Delight Coffeehouse Special Vanilla Latte does NOT!!! They use Palm Oil. Wwooooo to the hoooodidily hoooo!!!!!! It's the small things that God does for me that bring me so much joy. If I can have joy in the small things He does for me that feel like Huge things, than how much more joy can I have knowing that eternity with Him is coming. 




Folks, let me tell you.....pressing sure ain't easy, but it's nothing compared to eternity. This is all temporal so why do we harp on it and dwell on it and become consumed by it? Let us help each other see and remember the small things that can be large things that can bring joy that in comparison to what's coming can propel us forward as we wait. GOD IS HERE PEOPLE!!!! HE IS ALL AROUND US WE JUST NEED TO SEE HIM, we must see Him and not the other stuff! See Him, and we will see more than we can imagine! Open the eyes of our hearts Lord, we want to see You! 


Until tomorrow...
Loves & Hugs,
Christina

DAY 11 of 21...

This has not been the best of days and it's sad really. After a day full of the manifestation of God's presence surrounding me and uplifting me and bringing me into somewhere in Him that amazed me, after all of it to have a bad day. As momentary as it is to turn around and see God or feel God, it's just that fast to not feel Him or see Him or lose sight of Him. I don't know how it quite happened, but here I am in a place I'd really rather not be. Why God? Why do I go back here? Why do I feel these things? Why must I get trapped in this web? Why can I not just enjoy the good feelings a little longer? ArGH! I find myself again, pouring out to God, "Save me, Heal me, Help me! Here is weak Christina again, allowing the things in life to press her down! Here I am God, looking like a pitiful mess, just caught up in the ball of emotions, barely grasping on, barely breathing!" To go from high and lifted up to feeling so crushed is probably THE most annoying and disturbing thing EVER!! I'm pretty sure there is nothing that can compare to the crappiness of being up and then being down. So, do I sit and wallow in my pitiful place or keep pushing past it, standing on what feels like a faint memory of a promise of victory...? Victory...Victory...ViCtOrY....VIcTOrY....VICTORY.....I must pull it back up to the forefront of my mind. I must find it and grab hold of it tightly. I cannot lose it because sometimes it's the only life preserver I have that will keep me afloat amidst this ever raging sea. God, Lord, Abba, take me far from this sea, wrap me in Your eternal, everlasting arms, and hold me close that I might not bare this torture any longer. You said You would come and return unto me and I do not want to miss You, I do not want to miss You God, but I feel that I can barely remain here in this place, when the weights around me are so heavy. I trust in You God, I do, but my flesh wants me to believe the lies of the enemy. I know the enemy is after me God, pull me far away from his grip. Remove me from this pressure Lord. Relieve me of this pain. Ahhhh! I am Yours God and I know that You have me, that You see me, that You know where I am and what I feel better than anyone ever could. I will press....I will press into You until I feel that release from all that surrounds me, until I am completely surrounded by You and feel or see nothing else but You. I know that in my weakness I have been strengthened by You. Lift up mine head oh God. Lift up mine eyes that I might see Your goodness and Your grace. Breathe on me Abba because in Your breath I have Life!

Breathing difficulties...I do not know what you are and why you are in my life, but if this is not of God,  if this is not a call to intercession, if this is in fact a device of the enemy, I command you in JESUS NAME to flee my body, you have NO AUTHORITY HERE!!!! I have the breath of Life in me and nothing else will fill me but my God! Go you foul spirit of sickness and tiredness and hindrance, remove yourself from my presence for when you are in my presence you are in the presence of God because HE DWELLS IN ME!!!! I am victorious!!! I am set free!!!! I am healed!!!! I am delivered out of the darkness that is ever looming waiting to bring me down....OOOhhhhhhh, but you cannot take me down for God has put His seal upon my heart!!! I AM HIS!!!!!!! I AM GOD's!!!!!!! And nothing shall separate me from Him!!!!! In Jesus Name Amen!!!!!



Until tomorrow...and I DECLARE that from this moment on it will be brighter and better because on Christ the Solid Rock I stand!!!

DAY 10 of 21...

Today, God has opened my eyes and my heart in a huge way. It all started as we were driving to church this morning. The day began like any other Sunday morning, I got up before everyone else and began getting ready. After waking up the kids and having them start getting ready, I then got Jerry up so he could also get ready. A big morning of getting ready! Lol! Both Jerry and I like to refresh ourselves with worship as we prepare to minister in worship at church. We often turn on the set list for that day and play it over and over, really getting the music into our spirits. This is a great way for anyone to start a Sunday. There are often negative distractions that disrupt the Sunday routine, the spirit, the atmosphere and once we get to church we have a hard time shaking it all off and allowing the fullness of God's presence to penetrate our hearts. We block God from coming when we can't move past our feelings, thoughts, and attitudes. Sometimes things beyond our control just get in the way and all you can do is just stop and pray and move on, making the choice not to allow anything to get in the way of God's presence manifesting in your life. 


Like I said, we began our regular routine, but something about today felt different. I can't fully explain it other than I know I was already feeling God's presence without really even pressing in. I knew that He had done a work in me over the weekend and it was continuing on. Something broke in me on Friday night at Youth as I poured out and God poured in. It changed me, it moved me, it shifted me into the next phase of the next season. When the seasons begin to change, everything begins to change. It happens gradually, as the temperature first begins to shift, like right now for example. We have been noticing days of cooler weather, especially in the morning time. The air smells and feels different. The sun still comes out and shines, but the triple digit temperatures are giving way to the lovely double digits once again. The trees and leaves are changing color, although in the deserts of Arizona you don't see as much color changing taking place. All in all you can "feel" the atmosphere gradually shifting into the next season, which I definitely embrace and welcome to hurry on up! Lol! :)


I "feel" something different and gradually changing in me as I continue to surrender all of myself to God and walk according to His purpose for my life. The impact of His power and presence and love and grace and mercy and goodness and Majesty and peace, and rest and strength...all of who He is, moves me into the flow of the changes of the seasons. Each season, as we know is already set in the same ordered pattern, but how it comes and what happens in and around can often be different. For example, we know that around the same months it begins to cool down and hopefully by the end of October we should be completely out of triple digits and seeing more 70's and 80's degree weather. Some years it takes further into November to see the coolness that will show up in other years at the end of September. Sometimes we have storms that bring us even cooler temps when other years its dry and the rain is scarce. Even still the seasons change as planned. The seasons in life we go through change...each passing year brings in new bloom, new seed, new life, as well as old things passing away, dying, and making room for the cycle of new and old, new and old. 


If you observe closely, the happenings and patterns of your life you will begin to see the season changes I am talking about. The times of harsh weather conditions are the most uncomfortable times and I feel like I am seeing the end of some of these conditions as I transition into the next season which is bringing its own set of harsh and lovely conditions. It's almost a moment to breathe, refresh, refuel, gain strength, and get ready for whatever comes my way next. I will take in ALL that I can from these moments because the challenges are challenging and I mean let's face it who "wants" to feel uncomfortable? Not me! But yet I do because I know that if I were to remain comfortable I have fallen from the path God has called me to walk. He did not call me to live a life of easy and comfortable. He says that we rest in Him, find peace and comfort in Him, but that doesn't mean we stop facing challenges. It's how we perceive the things we face that determine our reaction to them. I don't want to fall apart every time I face something challenging or seemingly difficult, but if I go into it knowing that through God I will have strength (Phil. 4:13), through God I will have the peace that passeth all my understanding (Phil. 4:7), through God I will have joy unspeakable (1Pet. 1:8), through God I am made whole (Luke 8:3), I am set free (2Cor 3:17), and on and on as the scripture, God, promises His people. 


I am full of God's joy, I feel like I have been broken out of a place of bondage and I am breathing fresh air, tasting a freedom I had forgotten. I have never forgotten my freedom, but when you feel bombarded and overwhelmed by circumstances you don't feel free, you feel chained, condemned to a life of uglies, cast into the pit of eternal hardships...haha...intense right? Lol! (Rom. 8:4  "That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.")  We can only rely on these things if we are to stay afloat in this chaotic world and walk out victoriously as God has proclaimed. (1Cor. 15:57  "But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.") (1John 5:4  "For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.").


(Phil. 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.") I will align my thoughts, my feelings, myself with the things of God, casting down all other things. (2Cor. 10:5 "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;")


Until tomorrow guys...Loves and Hugs,
Christina




Hmmm....another thought...
You can feel things out but do not alone rely on these feelings. First rely on God and be ok if your feelings don't match with what God is doing. He has a plan and a big picture that we do not know, but if we say we trust in Him than we will follow Him wherever He leads us. Another thought even...If God is seeming to lead us off the edge of a cliff, will we still jump believing that if He is leading us He will also provide the net to catch us. Abraham trusted in God's promise to give Him a son that that lineage of the Messiah would come from. When he was told to sacrifice his son Isaac, the promised, He had to trust that God would raise Isaac from the dead or do something miraculous because God does not lie, He is faithful to fulfill His promises, His word (Duet. 7:9; 1Cor. 10:13). We must trust in this way. Looking beyond just doing something but believing and trusting in God and in His word in a deeper way!!! Just a thought!