This has not been the best of days and it's sad really. After a day full of the manifestation of God's presence surrounding me and uplifting me and bringing me into somewhere in Him that amazed me, after all of it to have a bad day. As momentary as it is to turn around and see God or feel God, it's just that fast to not feel Him or see Him or lose sight of Him. I don't know how it quite happened, but here I am in a place I'd really rather not be. Why God? Why do I go back here? Why do I feel these things? Why must I get trapped in this web? Why can I not just enjoy the good feelings a little longer? ArGH! I find myself again, pouring out to God, "Save me, Heal me, Help me! Here is weak Christina again, allowing the things in life to press her down! Here I am God, looking like a pitiful mess, just caught up in the ball of emotions, barely grasping on, barely breathing!" To go from high and lifted up to feeling so crushed is probably THE most annoying and disturbing thing EVER!! I'm pretty sure there is nothing that can compare to the crappiness of being up and then being down. So, do I sit and wallow in my pitiful place or keep pushing past it, standing on what feels like a faint memory of a promise of victory...? Victory...Victory...ViCtOrY....VIcTOrY....VICTORY.....I must pull it back up to the forefront of my mind. I must find it and grab hold of it tightly. I cannot lose it because sometimes it's the only life preserver I have that will keep me afloat amidst this ever raging sea. God, Lord, Abba, take me far from this sea, wrap me in Your eternal, everlasting arms, and hold me close that I might not bare this torture any longer. You said You would come and return unto me and I do not want to miss You, I do not want to miss You God, but I feel that I can barely remain here in this place, when the weights around me are so heavy. I trust in You God, I do, but my flesh wants me to believe the lies of the enemy. I know the enemy is after me God, pull me far away from his grip. Remove me from this pressure Lord. Relieve me of this pain. Ahhhh! I am Yours God and I know that You have me, that You see me, that You know where I am and what I feel better than anyone ever could. I will press....I will press into You until I feel that release from all that surrounds me, until I am completely surrounded by You and feel or see nothing else but You. I know that in my weakness I have been strengthened by You. Lift up mine head oh God. Lift up mine eyes that I might see Your goodness and Your grace. Breathe on me Abba because in Your breath I have Life!
Breathing difficulties...I do not know what you are and why you are in my life, but if this is not of God, if this is not a call to intercession, if this is in fact a device of the enemy, I command you in JESUS NAME to flee my body, you have NO AUTHORITY HERE!!!! I have the breath of Life in me and nothing else will fill me but my God! Go you foul spirit of sickness and tiredness and hindrance, remove yourself from my presence for when you are in my presence you are in the presence of God because HE DWELLS IN ME!!!! I am victorious!!! I am set free!!!! I am healed!!!! I am delivered out of the darkness that is ever looming waiting to bring me down....OOOhhhhhhh, but you cannot take me down for God has put His seal upon my heart!!! I AM HIS!!!!!!! I AM GOD's!!!!!!! And nothing shall separate me from Him!!!!! In Jesus Name Amen!!!!!
Until tomorrow...and I DECLARE that from this moment on it will be brighter and better because on Christ the Solid Rock I stand!!!
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